Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Ugh. The "Where to Go With Dad?" Dream.

Ugh. The "Where to Go With Dad?" Dream.
Current mood: distraught
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

My dad made his first Dream! Appearance! of 2008 early this morning.

Reality backstory: Craig's mother, Meredith, was staying with Craig during the holidays at his townhouse in Park Ridge, which is next door to my mom's townhouse. This arrangement worked out marvelously while Craig and I were living together (not sure how Craig felt about it, but oh well). Nowadays, I live about 2 minutes away just within the City limits in Chicago (thank you, Fire Department).

The day after Christmas, my mom got the ticker tape and floats out to parade the much bally-hooed arrival of her on again/off again beau who lives in Las Vegas, whom she hasn't seen in several years (apparently, they're "on again"). She also handed me a gaggle of quarters, a box of Tide and some fabric softener and told me to do my laundry at my apartment building ($$$ coin operated) instead of her house (FREE!), since the Beau would be in town until JANUARY 16th. Evidently, during the course of their on and off-again thang, my mom has reprogrammed the Beau's brain to completely forget that she has children and grandchildren (I wonder if she took all our pictures down in the house?) who *might* come around a couple times in 3 weeks. Who knows.

All of which puts me in withdrawl mode, seeing as I talk to my mom every day, sometimes multiple times a day, so imagine my unease when the first time she came up for air to blow a well-being check in on me was the 30th of December.

Me (all salty): "You're still alive?"
Ma: "Oh shut up."

I've been back and forth and at Craig's house numerous times since The Beau arrived, and once in a while, it's obvious looking next door that they're IN THERE, but I feel totally weird about ringing the bell and just saying hello, which goes against our normal M.O. in relating to one another. Conversely, I do respect her privacy (somewhat).

Which leads me (finally) to THE DREAM.

In the dream, the Christmas holidays were among us, Craig's mom was in town to stay with Craig, my mom's Beau was in town to stay with her, I had Luke and my nephew at my house (all of which were true in real life) and BOOM--my father arrives, in his typical "dream way," where he's not dead, just "gone" and throws a wrench in the lives of everyone he loves.

Dad didn't understand why or how The Beau was with my mother, with us trying to explain that since Dad had been "gone" for 24 YEARS, it stood to reason that Ma would have moved on.

My Ma and I were arguing about why she couldn't let Dad stay with her for Christmas, and then I broached him staying with me at my apartment. (This is where I got really bummed out.) My mother said my Dad didn't want to stay with me because he "didn't know me anymore."

Hence, this is the first time in the history of this recurring "Dad's Back!" dream that I was NOT the apple of his eye, his little girl. I was a STRANGER. And that freaked the hell out of me.

I told my mother in the dream, "But didn't you tell him about me, about what I'm like as an adult...that I'm becoming a FIREFIGHTER like he was, that I PLAY DRUMS IN A BAND?"

"He's just not comfortable with you, he hasn't seen you in 24 years" my Ma said, which I think generated a huge WTF? response from me.

So Ma didn't know where to go with Dad, he couldn't go to Craig's because his mom was there, and he didn't WANT to stay with me.

I awakened before this clusterfuck of a situation was resolved, so I have no idea where my dad ended up in the scheme of things, or if he just chose to disappear again, which is most unsettling.

Thanks for the visit, Dad, always a pleasure to re-connect, but nice storyline!


Psychologically, I totally realize that The Beau's being here planted the "Where does Dad fit in?" seed, but you'd think that it'd be immediately deduced that he DID belong with me....and now that I think about it, my Dad never voiced his "who the hell is Andrea?" opinion; it was all heresay via my mother....interesting.

Oy vey.

Thankfully, I'm now awake, and it's now January 2nd, which means I can finally go to Borders and pick out my 2008 daily desk calendar. One of my credos is to never buy a calendar for the next year during the holiday season--they're full price. Better to wait until after the New Year, when they're 75% off, and you can choose from the scraps left of lonely, misfit calendars that no one else wanted. This hereby ensures that I will receive a gem, like my 2007 "Daily Phobia" calendar (perhaps the 2008 "Daily Phobia" calendar???). The possibilities are limitless (not really!)!!!!!!

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