Friday, January 11, 2013

The Twelve Days of a Guy Friend Christmas: Epiphany

The Twelve Days of a Guy Friend Christmas ended over last weekend. I felt like a total schmuck having criticized the silliness of most of the other gifts, which made Guy Friend a little miffed, though it was mostly in jest, and he said the gifts leading up to the above were supposed to be useless/worthless/goofy to throw me off. Above is a beautiful, awesomely classy and feminine Bulova stainless steel watch. I was flabbergasted. He really, really put a lot of thought into the whole project, which I told him very thankfully when we talked last weekend.

I told him I didn't deserve such a beautiful gift, but then I thought back to all of the loving considerations and little nice surprises I've thought up for him for like the last 3 or 4 years, after which I didn't feel like such a douchebag. Guy emailed me that I'm his "literary punching bag," with regard to being snide about the other gifts via my blogs about them, when in reality, if he went through more blogs, he'd tire of the opposite--me declaring my (maybe foolishly) complimentary love and snaps towards at him, unless I get pissed, then the shit hits the fan and I have a short fuse. But Guy? Let's see. You took the time to arrange a dozen gifts, your wrapping skills are like off the charts good. I keep telling myself (and my friends corroborate) that you honestly do love me.  I was the envy of every female friend I have, I think, even more so than Best Male Friend's gift last year, which was intensely something beyond belief. It was as if Guy said, "I don't know what to get Annie, so I'll just give her a bunch of stuff & cap it off spectacularly." Way to go!!!

It's old-time Polish superstition that to receive a watch from a loved one, is symbolic of an end being near...that you won't have time enough to really LIVE. So you should never give a Polish girl.a watch. But hell, I love it a lot. (Chris gave me 2 watches that were ghastly and clunky and horrible about 3 years ago. for my birthday.  I donated them to the church rummage sale. Guy's watch is spectacularly pretty and suits me. The same superstitious Polish folklore says that you should never accept shoes from a man, for it means he will run away and you'll lose him. I'm not a superstitious person, but after Chris (the evil ex) bought me watches, he bought me like 5 different styles/kinds of shoes, which the Poles say "will make him run away." I ended up doing the running away, because I didn't want to be anyone's standby fuck who gets slapped regularly anymore, which was essentially the parting of company with regard to our relationship.

In any case, the watch was an overwhelmingly loving gift. He explained the theory of the gifts that would be a mysterious clusterfuck before I received and opened the final gift of the season. I spoke with Guy on the phone Saturday afternoon, and profusely thanked him for the whole shebang, and apologizing for thinking some of the gifts were lame. They all make perfect sense now that Epiphany has arrived, ironically. His "game" (for lack of a better term) was ingenious, perfectly planned & the man's got some mojo he's been suppressing for probably half of my life-span thus far on planet Earth. Like I said before, it really was all very sweet of him.

Had to take the watch to the was a little....huge on me. They took out 6 links, which sucked because the links are so pretty, leaving only 3 in. The jeweler said 3 of my wrists could fit into the watch band.  Conversely, the Rolling Stones t-shirt had to be exchanged because I couldn't even get it past my head. I went with a Fender Stratocaster sweatshirt as well as Lennon "Imagine" shirt. Luke and I saw the Yankee candle shelves at Kohl's and laughed at the image of Guy sniffing all the candles when he chose the candle I got, which my son absolutely loves. We smelled all the candles and couldn't figure out why Guy chose what he did, but we're getting a lot of use of it, especially Luke. (Luke really lucked out at Kohl's and scored a "The Office" daily calendar for half off.)

That man, I swear. He has a very selective memory, and seems to have forgotten that we had a big disagreement on the phone over the holidays, I don't even know WHY in the first place, but he sounded like absolutely nothing was amiss between us Saturday, with which I rolled along but sent me in a wail of tears after we got off the phone the night he called to yell at me, holed up in my room bawling because I figured he didn't love me and talked with Kate. Other than that, details of the fight are foggy, because Guy called me at 10pm, by which time, I'm an inarticulate space cadet. Even Guy said on the phone that he didn't try to upset me purposely. Kate and SuperJuls talked me off the ledge. When I asked him why he addressed himself as Dr. Guy Friend on the phone, he didn't elaborate as to why. I figured he was drunk, but he was on call, and said he hadn't been drinking. But his behavior was bizarre. He said he was just joking around....yet he was on call that night & perhaps wanted anyone overhearing at home to think he was calling the hospital. He was calling from home and the folks in the background, in another room I gather, came in and said they'd been waiting like an hour for Guy to come shoot pool with them. So that was "Good night" with Guy, ending on a negative note. :(

New Years came and went, and he was asleep by midnight CST, so he missed out on coming over to my house and having the opportunity to kiss me at midnight, er, at least that's what I was thinking would be a good idea. Too bad he wasn't actually AT work in the hospital on NYE, because I can completely see myself driving over there.

On the whole, our conversation last week was very relieving and reassuring. Hell, I even got a "love ya" at the end, and he hasn't said in ages!

Waiting for my weekly 8am (ugh) seminar to begin Wednesday morning, I was eating a horrible, dry tasteless, tooth-breaking gluten free granola bar. I texted Guy that it reminded me of him. (His mom just went gluten and dairy free.) No, it's not that he's tasteless and breaks teeth. Rather, it reminded me of his mom. After that text, he said he was up most of the night handling another doctor's call covering and thought about texting me at 4am, which in hindsight, he totally should have. Yes, because I'm a chick, I will cling to that statement for dear life and swoon over the fact that I actually popped into his head for once in a point of time, albeit briefly.

I wrote Guy this elaborate thank you/need to get off my chest email this week, which I'm guessing he hasn't read yet, because he worked tirelessly all week. My resident experts told me it was okay and endorsed the sending. Long story short, I laid out what I'm looking for with him (which I think I've told him 100 times before), and how (from my perspective anyway) I do NOT want to sleep with him. I'm nowhere emotionally ready, as I told him, for that act with anyone on earth, much less him. What do I want? Like the Snow Patrol song, "Chasing Cars," "If I lay here, if I lay just here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?" What is my fantasy? To lie on a blanket together some time when we can see a million stars in the sky and just cuddle. I realize this is probably an impossibility; included, but not limited to the fact it's the middle of winter. To be innocuously tight friends with a couple of miscellaneous benefits--that's my goal. I flat out admitted I was affection-starved.

He wants to do more things in groups? I told him how terrifying the idea is to go out with a group of strangers only knowing the glue that held them all together, the host, who would be Guy. I intimated, and it's truthful, that I'd be a nervous wreck. I like doing things together alone as buddies and still fail to see what's wrong with that. It's a by-product of having panic disorder. Anything new and uncomfortable is pretty much terrifying. And he can't possibly view me as THAT frightening.

So that wraps up The Twelve Days of a Guy Friend's hoping we have a fabulous 2013!


Andrea Miklasz said...

Post-Epiphany Guy Friend Sentiment: "Now I can go back to my regularly scheduled Being Mean and Ornery At You Most of the Time, Especially if You Suggest We Go Out or You Tell Me You Love Me."

BMF said...

I think that's a Night Ranger song.

Andrea Miklasz said...

I wasn't super thrilled with his reply to my suggestion we see this new play @ Steppenwolf. I knew he'd seen *a* play over the holidays, but I didn't recall it was THAT one & he sent back his mini-review of it, but said he "wouldn't sit through it again." WELL ALRIGHTY THEN. There are about 4,000 other not-curt and nice ways of thanking me for the suggestion and encouraging me to go but KINDLY excusing himself. :(

BMF said...

Friendly tact has never been part of his personality.

Andrea Miklasz said...

I was crabbing at how much gray hair I've sprouted as of late, which I guess I can blame on my father, and I told Guy about Wayne's 53rd b'day being Sunday, as well as Craig, and I said that I've only had 1/20th of the fun earning them.

Guy: "Happy B'day to all, including your teenager. It's not about what you earn but what you give. I like to give gray hair to others...."

Me: "Thank you for all the gray hair and for being selectively nice to me on occasions that suit you, xoxo!"

It's not my teenager who's aging me prematurely.

To quote BMF, "BOOM!"