Tuesday, January 10, 2012

What the Fuck Day is It, Anyway?

I didn't set my alarm this morning. I woke up at a reasonable hour, 8:00 am after going to bed at 11:30 pm. Immediately thought it was Saturday. And that yesterday was Sunday. I'm all mixed up on my days since I lost my job last week. I'm all mixed up, period.

I know I have to pick Luke up from school at 3pm. Apart from that, there was little on my mind to fill the rest of the long day. Tuesdays were my long night at the office--I had to work from 1pm to 7pm.

When my work schedule changed last year, I had to give certain other obligations up, the most important one being my weekly AA old folks' meeting. I loved that group, which met at 1pm at a local church. They were all retirees, and I was the baby of the group. It turned out that one of my patients at work was part of that group, so I at least got to see her every few months and we'd catch up.

I wonder if they wonder what happened to me, though I think I remember telling them my work schedule changed and I wouldn't be able to attend anymore. But now I can go back. I'm nervous to walk into that room, though I know in my heart I won't be judged because of my extended absence. They'll just be glad I'm there. I don't even have to say anything if I don't want to. I can just listen. But I think I'll pony up to the table and participate.

By pure grace of God, someone who was once one of the most important people in my life when I was a young woman just re-entered my life, and as in life's greatest mysteries, she's been leading an almost parallel life to mine for the last 20 years. We share commonalities that are eerily similar and need one another on whom to rely pretty badly right now. I don't remember how or why we lost touch after high school, but that's not important at all at this point. She's a blessing to have back in my life and I intend to let her lean on me for anything she might need right now, big or small, and I trust that she'll do the same for me. We have lunch plans for Friday, and I can't wait to give her a giant hug and seeing her will produce on my face a smile larger than I've smiled in a very long time. I need things to look forward to. This is a biggie.

Then I've got Luke's 12th birthday coming up on Monday. I'm doing my best to provide for him a normal birthday as we planned before I lost my job, and I won the Craig's girlfriend vs. Mommy birthday cake bake-off challenge, now in charge of baking Luke's cake. I promise, Luke, that this year, I'll remember the eggs for the cake and I won't drunkenly make hockey puck cupcakes.

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