Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Mushy Gushy

Some page I randomly follow on Facebook posted this today, so I figured "what the hell" and decided to analyze it within the context of my relationship with Guy. Keep track here now while I explain. I'll refrain from citing specific examples of when any of the following took place, though as Guy knows, I have a photographic memory.

The parameters:

What a kiss means.. actually read the whole thing cause its nice!
+ Kiss on the stomach = I'm ready
+ Kiss on the Forehead = I hope we're together forever
+ Kiss on the Ear = Your my everything
+ Kiss on the Cheek = We're friends
+ Kiss on the Hand = I adore you
+ Kiss on the Neck = We belong together
+ Kiss on the Shoulder = I want you
+ Kiss on the Lips = I love you

What the gesture means...
+ Holding Hands = We definitely love each other
+ Slap on the Butt = That's mine
+ Holding on tight = I don't want to let go
+ Looking into each others Eyes = I just plain love you
+ Playing with Hair = Tell me you love me
+ Arms around the Waist = I love you too much to let go
+Laughing while Kissing = I am completely comfortable with you

OK, here's what I've deduced:

We hope we're together forever.
We're friends.
We love each other.
We definitely love each other.
He doesn't want to let go.
We just plain love one another.
He loves me too much to let me go.

Keep in mind, this is *not* a product of my wild fantasies. Said events are true. I sort of wish there was a definition for the half lip/half cheek awkward "Where should we kiss--kiss the most effectively to signify that we have no attraction to one another and I will go to my grave denying that you're kinda cute." 

Whomever came up with the criteria might be batshit nuts, and had to be a chick, but I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm also stuck in the friend zone, which is beyond aggravating. 

Oh goody. Today is the class during which nobody pays any attention yet we all still manage to appease the professor by chiming in when some of us aren't looking for coffee tables on overstock.com, engaging in 3 Google chats at the same time, and don't answer his questions with "Hang on, I just have to input the CVV code off my credit card to buy these shoes--then I promise, I'm all yours." 

I've seen some really strange memes online in my time, but this one takes the cake. Google "George Harrison Jesus" and you just might find this one, which hey, to be honest, I'm pretty cool with that, unless George Harrison can also tell who's in the fantasy with you, especially if it's George Harrison himself. And can't you see God knocking on George's little heavenly sanctuary door (where they've sequestered the Hindus), asking, "George, what are you DOING in there?" George answers, "Cough Cough. NOTHING!":


BMF said...

While I'm completely comfortable with you, I'm not completely comfortable with the idea that one of the dead Beatles might be watching us.

Rob Cheney said...

Rather George than Paul!

Andrea Miklasz said...

Oh, Macca....eeeew.

Ringo I could handle.

Lennon's busy in heaven doing something important.

Kate said...

Batshit Nuts ? That has to be one of yours Andrea. I love it. I have questions about other types of kisses like if .........

Andrea Miklasz said...

Batshit nuts is kind of like apeshit nuts. But batshit piles up into mountains. That's a lot of shit!!!

Aren't those "meanings" silly?

But if I fool myself into believing any of them, maybe Guy will actually have feelings for me when he's copping a feel.

Anonymous said...

But Andrea, Ringo's still alive! You'd want to let him see you masturbate?

Andrea Miklasz said...

I'm not sure this is the direction I want this discussion to head...or lead....rather...

If any of y'all want to get in on the wagering, however, I bet against Very and Kate that I'll still be celibate by age 50. I think we're up to about $200.

BMF said...

Kate left a sentence incomplete.