Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Caution: Wet Cement

Lamb! Of! God!

Luke and I were driving home from Trader Joe's, where we scored 3 more gallons of their supremely delicious and somewhat hard-to-find Spiced Cider. So score!

Then we got Rick Rolled in our car by Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" at Harlem and Devon! We plotzed!

We passed a construction site where workers were busily pouring WET CEMENT from the cement truck onto the frame of a sidewalk. "Hey, look, Lucas, they're making a sidewalk!" At this point, my son was more or less unplussed about it, but found the phrase "WET CEMENT" incredibly funny. Don't ask.

My son then turned out G-rated Mommy/Son conversation into an unintentionally X-rated Mature! Audience! Only! laugh riot.

All while we're listening to Gordon Lightfoot's "Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" on the radio, and I was attempting to explain the story of the song to him, with my son increasingly distracted by the WET CEMENT.

Somehow or another, the neurons in his noggin jumped from WET CEMENT to WET SEAMEN, which he repeated aloud over and over again, asking me, "Mommy, do you like WET SEAMEN?"

Barely able to steer the car without crashing into the van in front of me, I tried in vain to answer him with a straight face. "Well, I guess I do, Luke?"

But he kept repeating it. WET SEAMEN. WET SEAMEN.

"You know, men who come out of the ocean wearing their swimming trunks, like that picture you have of Daniel Craig," Luke uttered for clarification.

"Oooof!" I said. "Yeah! Then I totally like WET SEAMEN."

Now, a few days ago, Luke and I were puttering round YouTube, where I showed him a few of the dumbest music videos from the 1980's, including Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart" and The Weather Girls' "It's Raining Men," which features men in Speedos, hats, raincoats and umbrellas swishing around a miniature cardboard cityscape and romancing two morbidly obese women. Suffice it to say, the fellas in this video aren't the most...well, masculine and, uh, well, heterosexual. Blatantly so.

So Luke segues "It's Raining Men" back into the WET SEAMEN and asks me me, "Wouldn't you like to see WET SEAMEN coming from out of the sky?"

Luke: "If there were WET SEAMEN coming from out of the sky, it wouldn't be hard for you to find a husband."

Me: "Totally!"

Luke: "They should have a Comcast On-Demand channel of nothing but WET SEAMEN. That only grown-ups can watch. And WET SEAMEN Daniel Craig action figures."

(I can't even steer the car at this point. I'm laughing hysterically, and I can't tell him why. This was NOT the day to go into a diatribe about ejaculation and the vernacular nicknames for such, et al. He's only 8.)

The challenge now will be to prevent Luke from talking about WET SEAMEN at school, and at church, and to his friends, while I field phone calls from angry parents who chastise me for my son's completely inappropriate chatter.

All of this over a fresh sidewalk and a construction site....

Happy Thanksgiving from The Offbeat Drummer Mom!

Coming soon to an On-Demand channel near you.....

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