I'm Having an Issue with John Denver

I’m Having Issues with John Denver. At the risk of losing any and all punk street cred I might have previously had, I totally admit that I'm having a John Denver issue in conjunction with iTunes.

Before you shoot me insulting comments and laugh behind my back, I offer a "Hell, Yes, I Likes Me Some John Denver, So Piss Off!" Plus, I'm presently listening to Foreigner's "I Want to Know What Love Is" and getting all choked up. I'm drunk on life today. It IS Thanksgiving, after all, and I have so much to be thankful for. Pass the Kleenex!

Like the freedom in America to download Sappy Shit with No Artistic Merit.

Which is where John Denver comes into the story.

My primary downloading mission was to score an mp3 version of "John Denver and The Muppets: A Christmas Together," which is my all-time favorite collection of Christmas music. I think my copy of the CD was lost in the shuffle of separating from my husband anyway.

Mission accomplished. Download the CD. Yay, me.

But then I was also looking for John Denver's "Calypso." It's 3 minutes of schmaltz unparalleled in the annals of sappy pop music, an homage to Jacques Cousteau's old ship or something. But it's a tune I've always dug. So a'searching I went.

My theory, which I have yet to conclusively prove, is that John Denver only recorded approximately 3 full albums' worth of original material. And iTunes isn't exactly going to make my search speedy and painless, because their marketing plan is to have customers like me download a dozen other songs while en route to finding "THE SONG" for which I'm searching.

In the John Denver category in iTunes, we are bombarded with the following conglomeration of album choices, and not blatantly obvious on which any of these albums might feature "Calypso."

Which would explain my music search migraine, generated by this clusterfuck of choices:

"John Denver's Greatest Hits"
John Denver's Greatest Hits, Vol 2"
"John Denver's All-Time Greatest Hits"
"The Definitive John Denver"
"John Denver's Sixteen Biggest His"
"An Evening with John Denver"
The Essential John Denver"
and "The All-Time Greatest Hits of John Denver

...with the omitted glare of not including "John Denver Walked His dog While Humming His Essential, Definitive, Biggest, Greatest and All-Time Greatest Hits."

My relative disinterest in this topic prevents me from thoroughly researching which of these "hits" are on any of the available iTunes albums. But I'm left with a vexing conundrum as to which one these clearly redundant compilations actually is credible enough to include "Calypso."

Is "Calypso" actually "essential," definitive, biggest or greatest? iTunes, where are you hiding this song? Denver's probably been artifacted into a box somewhere labeled "Caution: Quick Sand!"

I shan't give up my search for "Calypso" just yet. Maybe after Inauguration Day.

In other news, Luke, my mom and I had a cozy, friendly, delicious Thanksgiving out in Cary with my best friend since grammar school, Patti, and her husband, his mom, and their daughters. I was elected to deliver the pre-dinner prayer, which I was okay with...and silently thanked God for all the blessings I've received this year in particular, sobriety being the 1 winner.

And I'm blessed to have friends such as yourselves, regardless if some of you haven't met me face-to-face. And a healthy, brilliant, charming son. And the loyal love of friends and families.

I love you all and wish you safe travels, compassion and God's grace during as you celebrate Christmas 2008. Resolve to being open in your heart to allow God's love inside. Trust me on this one. You won't regret it!

Happy Thanksgiving!