Monday, April 28, 2014

Family Planning, Brady Bunch Style.

Luke's graduation is over a month away and I'm still not sure what we're doing for the occasion. My thought (in tandem with Luke's wishes) was to have a cake/coffee at our house after the ceremony, as the whole class is boycotting the LUSA reception at Messiah Lutheran, a church largely unaffiliated with either of his school's campuses. We tried our best, parents and students alike, and since the kids protested (with their parents en masse) having the graduation at Messiah instead of the campus where they've attended since they were in Pull-Ups training pants, St. Paul was ruled out, though we hope to take pictures there before the ceremony. Messiah is a dark and dingy old building with no handicapped access. It sucks.

Administration be damned, that was really all Luke wanted for his graduation--a small reception at home. Enter Dad and worse yet, THE OTHER GRANDMA, whom Luke won't even acknowledge as his "grandma," because, dare I say, she's more vile than...well. That goes without saying. Luke didn't win the grand prize in the grandmother department. Both of his grandpas would love him to bits and do anything to make him happy. Sadly, they're both dead. :(

His father's side wants to host a party-party at their Hoarders-worthy house (which the other grandma flatly admits, needs "some renovation"), never mind that it's impossible to find, and there's nowhere to park, and Luke doesn't want to have a party there. That's immaterial, according to his dad and dad's new wife. I think we should do whatever Luke wants in this circumstance, but I have to say, it's grating on my last nerve.

I also don't know what in hell is going on with Guy and my birthday. That's most unnerving, given I ordered the second of his two birthday gifts today, while he probably hasn't put one iota of attention into my celebration yet whatsoever. I found these great descriptions of what life must be like for him at home with Lady GuyGuy:

Alrighty then! Maybe once every few months, oddly, they utter something like this, which I personally find totally hysterical:

Meanwhile, he's missing out on what we used to have at the office, where all the action happened, and I was the apple of his wandering eye:

Then I've got this teenager at home, and while we can watch raunchy Louis CK standup together, I can't help but squirm when I think. Every time we go to the pediatrician, he picks up the latest copy of "Puberty for Boys," as if something has changed in the last 6 months:

I'm cool with whatever Luke's got going on--I'm an open-minded mom, but I have to draw the line somewhere:

But back to Guy and Lady GuyGuy. I'm sure he's uttered this more than once in 30+ years, on the off nights when he doesn't fall asleep in the living room watching "The Daily Show With Jon Stewart."

After all, they did procreate 3 times. How, I do NOT know. All I can think of are these:

Certainly, I know for sure that his kids, or somebody, has been on the blog and has seen more than he/she wishes to have seen, and thinks this of me:

It started out as innocent fun, truly, it did. We were work husband and wife. And everybody's got to have one of those, you know? It's SO commonplace now, it's innocuous. 

I highly doubt Lady GuyGuy thinks this about him anymore; meanwhile, my wily libido aches:

Though it's certainly not something I'd discuss with my housekeeper, assuming I had one, which I don't, and never will. I'll be lucky to escape the jail in which I live now:

Some things are on a need-to-know basis:

Good gawd, I miss Guy. I went so far as to text him an actual "I miss you" last night, to which he didn't respond. I pretty much expected so..

I don't expect him to get me a birthday gift, certainly not, given I don't know if I'll even see him on my birthday. 

I try to remember Carol Brady's wisdom when I yearn for Guy time....if only he'd comply !

It seems like all I get from Guy is this:


Yes, I'd love to share this with Guy and Guy with me, though my stories are no doubt more colorful:

On the off chance he remembers my birthday, and we go out,  I might utter this:

In any event, I'll always think of him this way, remembering times gone by, when we were still close:

I miss you, Guy, but you already know that.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Those are hilarious when you take those quotes of of their context! Nicely done!