Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Correlation Does Not Equal Causation, or, New Blog Stalker Alert!

Let's examine some geographical maps, shall we?

I'd love to know why, roughly, this map:

Is so closely related, in latitude/longitude to THIS map, coming from a static Comcast broadband network:

Keeping in mind that correlation does not equal causation, I'm not bound to linking the two maps together as empirical data. I just found it to be an odd coincidence. This New Blog Stalker isn't as easy to pick out as that dork woman from my church who's IP address reverse lookup showed her hosting service was HER OWN LAST NAME, nor is it as statistically, overwhelmingly relevant as the veritable hundreds of visits from Balderdash & Verities, but see with them, I already *knew* who their internet carrier was, what computer OS they were using, what version of what browser was available to them, among other dead, obvious giveaways. 

(For trivia's sake, now that the old work gang and my dim-witted former supervisor have moved on to, you know, actual work, and have abandoned my blog? I find humor that, when you Google "Balderdash & Verities," some of the blogs come up. Admittedly, I borrowed the moniker/pseudonym from the late singer Harry Chapin's 4th record, "Verities and Balderdash," which is a fancy term for truths and bullshit, which featured "Cat's in the Cradle.")

I hope my highly suspect Spidey-Senses prove me wrong, but when does that ever happen? And for God's sake, ya'll, if you're so hell bent on reading THE VERY LATEST NEWS from the world of The Offbeat Drummer, as I've mentioned previously, there's that handy thing at the bottom of the page where you can anonymously subscribe to the blog and get the new ones delivered to your inbox, to read at your private leisure. It's almost as creepy to see people visiting the site 14 times a day as it is for me to be systematically tracking my readers in the first place. If my Spidey-Senses + the maps are on-target, this reader is the reason I GOT the fucking tracker in the FIRST PLACE. 

I want readers. Millions of them. What writer wouldn't? And my life is, as I've said before, lived out loud, to simultaneous delight and begrudging of some people in my life. Suffice it to say, however, that any reader who feels compelled to check or read my blog in excess of, say, like 5 times a day, needs a focus shift. Whomever this is is spending more time "in my brain" than my worrying about gaining weight. That's a lot of time. 

The blog tracker shows me patterns of readership, and, as when I uncovered and exposed the obsession of Balderdash & Verities, pie graphs of statistically significant shifts and changes in relation to the origin of the hits to my web site, and alerts me when any particular IP address is landing here more than, well, "normal," which as the owner of this creative work, I generally find very interesting. It's also legally valid information to compile should the need ever arise where I indeed do have to pursue someone harassing me on the internet. 

And, if it is "Him?" While I've made great strides in my PTSD treatment, the scars are still black and blue and have caused me immeasurable pain and suffering from which I fear I'll never heal. PS-glad to see you've reverted back to that profile picture my friends, family and I always thought made you look like, well, a pathological serial rapist.


Anonymous said...

If it's who I think you think it is, and he even breathes air within 500 feet of you, just call the police. I think your instincts are probably right, though I agree with your "guy friend" that the blog tracker is a little creepy to begin with, though I TOTALLY understand why you got one. Your co-workers' fixation on you was downright hilarious, but if it's "him," I understand why you'd be freaked out. I love you!

Anonymous said...

PS: You always said you didn't want to press charges against "him" because he had "money and power." But you're not powerless. You never were. True, maybe his fat ass arrested might have saved other potential future "victims," but money and "power" mean little if you have a black, empty soul. I don't want to drudge up past trauma, or make you scared. I know you're working on the PTSD (which I know you know I'm still working on too). I hate being so far away from you, but hope you're in good hands. He has to live with what he did to you forever. You're guilty of nothing (except that you love too much, but you're Annie). To recap-he comes near you and I'll send lawyers, guns and money because the shit will hit the fan. I meant what I wrote on your shoe!

Andrea Miklasz said...

I love you too, sweetheart. Thank you for anonymously commenting, then texting me that you commented anonymously! :)

I can't confirm who it is, but whomever it is, they need something more constructive to do than habitually pour over my stupid blog, unless, of course, they plan on publishing it and throwing $25k at me as an advance.