Wednesday, May 23, 2012

I Wouldn't Put it Past Me. Or Him. Or Her. Or Them.

Best Headline of the Day Award:

Jumiah, Maid In Singapore, Allegedly Put Menstrual Blood In Boss's Coffee

File under, "Damnit, my timing is ALWAYS off." Now, not only do I not work at Balderdash & Verities, I  don't even produce menstrual blood with which to taint my former supervisor's morning latte. Though I was surprised to find out in the accompanying article that in many native cultures, menstrual blood is used as a seduction tool, much like pheromones, which is insanely gross. Not that I'd have to worry about that anymore.

I wonder if she ever noticed that hyper-annoying, random faint beeping in her office from a long time ago that would happen on occasion, very faintly, or from whence it came. No, dumbshits, it wasn't a fucking bomb. I can't make bombs.I don't know of anyone who *can* make bombs. Honest. It's nothing remotely illegal and is sold on a nerd site. Who makes bombs that take like 10 months to go off in the first place? All's I have to say is that makes some wonderful products that technology nerds on a budget can use to annoy the piss out of people. (Craig put one in Luke's pencil box one day and drove him nuts at school. Fortunately, my boy isn't as stupid as my former supervisor, found it, figured it out, and ripped Dad a new one after school.) Plus, the battery life is limited. But in the moment, it's perfect.

Could it have been me? Or the freelance computer technician, who was slipped a fin as a favor? Or someone on the existing support staff after I left? Well, when I left, I handed over my keys, so it could literally have been anybody. Her office is so loaded with crap, it would take weeks to find it, because it's really small.

Please refer to Exhibit A:

The aforementioned gadget isn't quite as cool, but nonetheless annoying, as the small, LED-signal reading device my son has that can turn virtually any television on or off without anyone seeing it. Luke pulled that one on Craig's mom while she was deeply entranced by a TV game show, at a heightened moment, which resulted in her shouting "DAMNIT!" at the top of her lungs, all caught on Luke's hidden video camera. That was fucking priceless film making. We tried it out at Target, turning off a number of their TV's, but store personnel thought something was fishy, so we innocently moved on. 

Thinking geeks are notoriously precocious. 

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