Friday, December 6, 2013

Massive Attack

A few hours ago, I was seething in anger.

It's probably subsided because I'm really tired.

Here's the deal:

I gave Guy and his family a mass card (a Catholic thing, where a priest will say a special mass for those departed into the stratosphere, and you pay a modest sum of money to do so). I put it in the proper receptacle at the wake before I paid Madame Guy my respects and visited with Guy. I signed the guest register as did Meg, with my name and home address.

Meg got an acknowledgment note from the family of Guy, none of them apart from Guy knowing who she was some time go. Madame Guy's been dead for almost 2 months... you'd think with the volume of offspring in that family, I'd have received word by now if they got it, or appreciated it. It was one of the things the family requested in lieu of flowers.

The mass was said for Guy's mother on Sunday, the 1st. That's when I realized I'd heard nothing from the Guy clan, which is bizarrely rude. How Meg got a note and I didn't just doesn't make sense, unless Guy was assigned to send notes to all the people who were his friends, and the other siblings to their friends, and so on.

He did mention getting BMF's mass card in the mail and to thank him for it, which I did, which was nice of BMF. BMF won't receive a note because there's no way in hell I'm giving Camp Guy his address. I think Guy thanked me verbally on the phone for my mass card, but it was an in-passing thought. Proper protocol and manners dictate that you send out notes, regardless.

I guess, in literally every respect of Guy's life the last few months, I've been grazed over. He wouldn't go out with Meg and I Monday night (part of which was celebrating my new grant writing internship for next semester at a local mental health agency). He let me know via text that he would be out of sight to me until I ended the "verbal war" with Ms. Blog Stalker, and to "drop him a note" when that happened. Jesus, the police said if she attempts to contact me again, or steps on my property, she'll be in jail.. I won already.  I emerged victorious. Besides, we can talk about a myriad of other things that don't involve Balderdash  & Verities whatsoever.

I understand it, I really do. Mom died. Putting houses on the market, estate bullshit to deal with, sibling rivalry.. Finding a new house and  remodeling some of the big house now, the holidays coming, work stress..3 week vacations, still; according to his phone calls, he and Lady GG have time to spend evenings with their other friends and cohorts. That's great, Guy, and while you asked me to be more spontaneous and invite you on  group gatherings,  I did just that and still got a kick in the head. Evidently, dinner or coffee after work one night cuts too deeply into his schedule, not that I was any more important than a dental appointment on the calendar, which I'm sure Lady GG manages for his free time. I'm tired of the concussions.

What I ended up giving him in a private card ( I probably said this already) was a pressed flower from my father's funeral. I think if he's going to keep acting this way, in denial and avoidance (his 2 glaring traits), when he and I have some legitimate business to handle in January, I might ask for it back to save for my grandchildren. It was a gesture of honest love towards Guy, though he hasn't remotely reciprocated, so I'm fooling myself, really.

My intention in telling him what went down with Ms. BS wasn't to get her in trouble at work. I could care less. But I did leave him a voicemail that his office staff was at my door at almost 10 pm on Saturday night ready to beat the shit of me. I found this information prudent. In any event, they're gone and I'd like to *not* be shot down for every single suggestion I provide to get together in some fashion with Guy.

I'm done suggesting. If he wants to see me, I'll see when I can pencil him in. As I told Meg, he's probably more relieved than anything that my pesky ass is out of his way for a while as he sulks and avoids all of his complicated and repressed thoughts and feelings.

God, I hate the holidays.                


BMF said...

I neither need nor want any correspondence from Guy and his family for the mass card *I* sent. I was just being courteous towards someone I knew was important to you, Annie.

But I wholeheartedly agree that at the VERY least, you should've received an acknowledgment from Guy's family and furthermore, a better thank you than a mention on the phone regarding the very special memento you gave him privately.

It does sort of beg a question as to what the tie up could be almost 2 months after she died.

Forget the bitches at B&V. It's done. You outwitted them (of course you did). So we'll drop it. Whatever.

Guy needs to get over that, and come up with some type of (it'll probably be untruthful) excuse as to why Meg received a note and you didn't. What did Meg say about Guy not agreeing to see you until the "verbal war" was over," equating that to withholding affection or sex to someone's partner? It's a bit egotistical of Guy to say "You can't be honored with my presence until you behave yourself." Who does he think he is? On principle alone, Meg's quite right.

Guy can't possibly be busy 24/7 and still have time to socialize with his other friends and just keep blowing you off, which is causing you more and more grief.

And no, a guilt get-together is moot until he properly apologizes for his and his entire family's rudeness.

That is all.

Kate said...

You INTIMIDATE him so much he can't deal with you on any level. He will always be madly in love with you. His phony big ego turns to dust in the face of everything about you.

Do you have any idea how much that Mass you had said in My Mother's memory meant to me? It made me cry. She wanted to see a priest the last days of her life and my brother forbid me to call one. I got sooo much satisfaction telling Michael my friends had arranged to have a Mass said in my mother's memory. Andrea has been there for me since my mother died. She has answered every text, every email, every phone call. Her Mom sent me the loveliest Sympathy card. Andrea is a full time student , a full time mother, a full time writer , but because we are friends she is THERE for me.

Getting a Grant Writing Internship is so incredible! Tim was so jealous he almost shit his pants ! He kept saying ," How?". I kept saying ," Because she is a WRITER ! She writes like she breathes ! Congratulations girlfriend , I am not surprised at all!

I thought Courtney Love was amazing in " Larry Flynt "! She was completely a tabula rasa , , the true test of an actor. No mask. She became that character.

TOC is like the character in Greek mythology, Prometheus who is chained to the side of a mountain and a bird keeps eating his liver out , but it keeps regenerating itself. That's Guy. Instead of facing the truth , he just allows himself to be endlessly tortured. He couldn't back you up against Arlene . That would be a public admission of his love for you. He is so afraid you are going to move on, on without him . And he should be.

I disagree with your other girlfriends . I have been right about him . You couldn't get rid of that lovelorn jelly fellow even if you wanted to.

Andrea Miklasz said...

I think he's really intimidated by me too. I totally dig Kate's Prometheus reference and think she's totally right. He doesn't know what to make of me, so he makes nothing.

"..and every time I've held a rose, it seems I've only felt the thorns...."

Anonymous said...

Ah, Prometheus Bound!

But unlike Prometheus, to the best of recollection, Guy chooses to remain letting the bird eat his liver out and remain in agony. Guy doesn't understand that a little love and affection would go a long way with Andrea. He's free to escape his entrapment at will. But he lacks the guts.

He's probably thinking, "What IF I were to be with this woman and things didn't work out?" I'd be ALONE, and I can't deal with that. Plus he has a long history with this family (the kids being all grown up and gone, leaving him with, yuck, Lady Guy Guy every night, and Catholics and separation or divorce are HUGE no no's. It'd certainly rock the solidified block that is his huge family. As you can guess, people like you and I, Andrea, don't mind being--and in fact, encourage being the black sheep of the family.

It'd break up his whole scene, and I'm not sure he's strong enough to handle that, Andrea. I have zero doubt that he passionately loves you, but feels trapped and unsure what the hell to do about it so yeah, he does nothing or pulls away.

Guy is a right fool, bottom line. To throw true love someone has for you, that you actually do reciprocate but fail to show will only lead to regret and sorrow over what could've been.

Kate, I'm sorry I haven't gotten a real card out to you yet. I'm worse than the Guy family, though we included ourselves in the mass card, BMF and I, which Andrea said was ok in a pinch. We were overseas when your mother passed away.

Kate said...

Since my mother passed away , my life has been one hellish moment after another.
A friend of mine is in prison. One minute I am worrying if buying phone minutes to a prison will ruin my credit score.
The next minute I am asking his father how he can" Wash his hands of ( my friend , who has a bipolar manic depression disorder ) wants nothing to do with him.". My Irish temper went into over drive and he got the Full Monty. "How can you wright off your own son? He has a disease. You are doing to him what my family is doing to me."
Threw me out of my mother's house and changed the locks.

I went to The Debutante Ball at the Park Plaza after college. A buddy of mine needed a date for his cousin for the Ball .
My mother got me a black silk -screened ball gown from the 1940's from Paris at a Gospel Church. That gown with a fuchsia carnations falling down the length of the gown , got me invited to more balls than I can count.

My friend's parents would love a chance to get into that Ball .
The year after I went to the Debutante Ball , my college friend called me again. He asked if I still had THAT gown.
Then he said his girlfriend was out of town and would I be HIS date. I told him one Debutante
Ball was more than enough for and turned him down.

I don't mean to digress, I am trying to say I know where I came from and I am very uncomfortable with The Boston Brahmins , who are as deep as a puddle.

What is worse is The Want To Be's. My jailbird friend's parents got his money out of the bank. I told them he deserved that money for a sweatshirt , shower flip-flops , etc. His father complained that they were still paying his rent. I said ," Are you just stupid ? Going to prison negates any lease!".

This guy was unbelievable. He didn't know that my friend has been arraigned but not indicted and the only thing they have against him is a roll of stamps.

People who live for appearances , often die for them too. I know if Luke ever ended up in jail , Andrea would probably go out and get a Law Degree to defend him herself. She would visit him everyday.

How Guy can take a chance that someone who loves so passionately, so fiercely , so UNCONDITIONALLY , might just say, oh forget him , shows how foolish he is. Oh ,I forgot , he said they would be having a relationship except Lady Guy Guy has him by the balls.

Andrea Miklasz said...

Wow, Kate, that situation in MA is totally fucked up. Like, your family is fucked up, but his family is even MORE fucked up. Why is the father still paying rent when that money could go to your friend for things he needs? The wheels of justice move incredibly slow in this country. An arraignment hearing should've taken place within days of the arrest, so he could post bond.

You're damn right if, God forbid and he never would, Luke ended up in jail, I'm not just being Mama Bear protective--I probably would get a law degree or pull from my network of excellent lawyer friends.

You hadn't told me the story of the Debutante Ball. I'd be so uncomfortable in a fancy situation like that. The Guy Family somewhere in the lineage goes to a country club, I'm SURE. You probably looked stunning, but inside you didn't really feel like you belonged there and itched to go home, right?

I just woke up from a dream (it's 6am) in which I'd gotten up to my EdD degree and got a job as a corporate trainer in Carmel, CA. And my cousins (who's real father-in-law is real estate developer) was trying to find me somewhere to live, but they wanted to pay me a ridiculous amount of money. That's all I remember and I woke up.

I'd rather be happy than rich. For sure.

Maybe Guy needs to be away from me for a while to realize just what he's giving up. I don't want that, not at all. But perhaps stepping outside of the situation and looking at it objectively would show him a thing or two. I don't know.

Until then, back to his controlled boredom and my debilitating depression. Sucks to be us, and it's not even my fault.

I still think his family was being insanely rude.

Kate said...

His family was beyond rude. You intimidate them too. I told you how my Socialist father didn't believe in rules. So I never had a curfew ,etc. The only way I could rebel against them was to, um, enroll myself in charm school. Christian Charm School. My father probably wanted to kill me but would not give me the satisfaction . He knew what I was doing.
Years later , I read a novel and the main character was described as having perfect posture . The author said it was if she was balancing a small ball in the small of her back( which in that gown is exposed ). It works. When I put on that gown I felt Iike I deserved to be there more than the debutantes. One was cross-eyed , the poor girl.You know how much acting I did in college . I can play any role . I need to stop doing that and figure out what I really want. One thing I know for sure. I need you. I get so angry when somebody mistreats you . He will be back . I just hope it is when I am there.

Andrea Miklasz said...

Kate, you sound like Dhani Harrison. To rebel against George and Olivia, he enrolled in military school and drove his father nuts.

I think I need charm school. I scare men away in droves and fall in love with only the ones who'll probably break my heart, then ruin things to the point where they don't even want to be friends with me. What if he doesn't come back? I'm really tired of this always happening in my life. The one hapless guy who promised to stay by me forever married someone else yesterday.

It still doesn't excuse Guy or his family.

Don't worry, I'll always be here.

Anonymous said...

"The one hapless guy who promised to stay by me forever married someone else yesterday."

You left him. Years ago.

You want to be edgy and push boundaries and all that. Fine. That's your life. But if there are particular people you want to keep in your life, then you'll have think twice about how far you can push their boundaries.

Andrea Miklasz said...

I don't recall soliciting advice, but oh boy, thanks! Especially if you're someone who's never met either Guy or I....

BMF said...

Annie being legitimately pissed that she didn't get a note from his family for her gift is pushing Guy's boundaries?

Don't be stressed by this anonymous comment, Annie. It could be any number of trolls who read your stuff but don't have the balls to get into anything with you.


Very Moon said...

Re: "You want to be edgy and push boundaries and all that. Fine. That's your life. But if there are particular people you want to keep in your life, then you'll have think twice about how far you can push their boundaries.":

People worth keeping, are accepting of boundary pushing, and will define their boundaries, tell people wtf those boundaries are in a grown-up way, and then, if those boundaries are crossed, have the balls to do what they need to do. Not farting around letting someone else stroke their egos because it's a blowjob for their hubris.

Rob Cheney said...

"You want to be edgy and push boundaries and all that" Its not about that its all about the common courtesy responding to a well mannered thoughtful gesture towards the passing of a respected elderly lady That is all!

Kate said...

"Pushing Boundaries". A Dr.Phil half assed idea. Speaking as someone who has no boundaries AT ALL , I would rather live without the wireless fence that zaps me if I venture outside my comfort zone. Why? Most of the best days of my life were spent out of my comfort zone. But it wasn't prudent , or acceptable .
"The one hapless guy who promised to stay by me forever married someone else yesterday." Are you attempting to say it was Andrea's fault because she left? In a marriage there are things like neglect , intellectual jealousy and unless you were living with them ,

Very Moon said...

"In a marriage there are things like neglect, intellectual jealousy and unless you were living with them,
SHUT UP!" THIS. SOOOO much THIS. There are a lot of nightmares behind the curtains that look like paradise.

Andrea Miklasz said...

My ex-husband committed many sins for which I've since pardoned him, so yeah, shut up. We're cool. Whether his new wife knows about them or not is kind of immaterial and while I left, I had some damn good reasons to.

My larger point, if you're literate, is a) what's the deal w/Guy's family and b) Guy, get off your high horse & PS, your other Xmas gift arrived today, so be a nice man, treat me like I'm actually your friend, seeing as you promised never to abandon me, and release me from the trenches of home for a few hours some time soon, definitely have one too many and profess your love for me like you usually do.

See, simple as that.

Andrea Miklasz said...

Whaddya know? I got an admittedly very lovely note in the mail from Guy today (postmarked yesterday) which was very nice and thankful for my unselfishness & support the last several months, in addition to the generic family thank you.

Gee, seems like all I do is bitch about him. Well, whatever version of "Rhythms" he receives, I was nervous to open the note, and acknowledge it's LOOOOOONNNG overdue, but he did reach out, and being the kitten I am, I am ever-forgiving and very moved.

I'm still miffed but trying to be extra understanding of the challenges he's had this year with his mom. And naturally, I feel guilty asking too much from him, though I shouldn't.

I deserved to bitch, he was rude, and he really should take me to Burberry and let me go crazy-nutso, but this is Guy we're talking about and I'm a bitch, but not THAT much.

Oh, and PS, Snippy Anonymous Commentator, before you over-analyze the boundaries and inner-workings betwixt my ex and myself or Guy and myself, maybe you can shake a stick at my ex (since you're SO pro-Ex) and get his child support out of arrears. That'd be super. Thanks.