Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Ooh Ooh Ooh, Now, Baby, Please Don't Go.

In an unfortunate turn of circumstances, Mum Guy has taken a turn for the worst and is perhaps on a limited pass through the transoms of this mortal coil for much longer. About this, I'm sad for Guy and his family. But it's neither unexpected nor is it going to be an utter devastation to the Guy Clan as a whole, though it'll likely be very complicated. I certainly can't appear at a public mourning, nor can I send a sympathy card, but I did iterate to Guy that my love and sympathies were with both he and his kids. 

So Guy and Lady GuyGuy are packing up their own sprawling suburban family homestead of 25 years and looking to downsize somewhere in the City. That's all well and good, and while I don't see Lady GuyGuy as an urban dweller (she'll probably buy those dreadful Hunter rain boots), I had a friend predict that Guy would pack up & move to the city like 2 years ago and it's actually coming true. With this, I have no problem, other than the fact she's coming along in the first place. Last week, when we talked, he said they were simply packing up the girls' stuff and putting it in the attic to paint the house. Sunday, he said they were putting the house on the market. Rather abrupt, but I guess decision making takes time, etc. It's an odd move for a Catholic family with 3 unmarried children, to abandon the homestead, though I guess the Guy Family has all of that worked out & the kids are taken care of on their own. 

Then he brings up the chance or opportunity to move out of state when he retires (which won't be THAT far in the future). He mentioned Portland (I poo poo'd), or, jokingly, Oklahoma City (which my friends and I ALL poo poo'd), or Tennessee. "You want to live in a red state? In the Bible Belt?" I asked. He was laughing the whole time. I just kept repeating "No. No. No. No, you can't go. You can't move away. You PROMISED you wouldn't abandon me." Granted, it's selfish and tacky of me to be complaining about Guy's life plans when his mother is dying, but it was tacky of him to tell the woman in love with him who has the world's WORST abandonment AND Daddy complexes that he has his mitts on planning to disappear forever. So I kept saying "NO. No. No. NO!!" (He's probably like, "Jesus, bitch, calm down. They do make airplanes, you know..."

What made things all the more strange was him asking me how long it'll be before I graduate from my masters program. "A year and a half," I said. "So you could practice anywhere...." Yes, theoretically, I could.  I haven't decided yet if I want to pursue a doctorate in psychology or Creative Writing, which, again, could take place anywhere. "And Luke?" I asked. I said, "Maybe I could move away when he's out of college...." and Guy said, "Or high school." (Um, Luke's going into high school NEXT YEAR.) 

The confounding part is that none of the Annie Consortium can understand Guy's motive in giving a damn when my son and I will be independent. It could've been pure curiosity. It could've been a loose "What if?" A friend said if that was the case, it'd be a pretty cruel idea to throw out to me under the circumstances, aloud anyway, knowing how I feel.

 Does this mean he wants me to follow him? If there's anything that man knows, it's that I'd crawl the depths of the earth not to lose him. That said, I'd NEVER, EVER uproot my family (my mom's not part of this equation) for a "What if?" It's been offered to me before--the chance to essentially be a man's "kept woman" in another state, but I declined, and in a lot of ways, I regret it, but in some ways, I don't. Hey, if things fall apart eventually between Guy and Lady GuyGuy, terrific. I'm totally there. (Actually, I'd tell him to haul his ass back to Chicago.) If he decides one day to choose the freedom, passion, intellectualism, humor, beauty, talent, dedication and appreciation of someone who 100% unconditionally adores him, he'd be making a great decision as he enters his twilight years. His socks could be rocked off for decades to come by the one woman he knows would refuse to stagnate his vim until the day we both die. (To put it bluntly, Guy, no, I don't believe being colorblind and building jigsaw puzzles is or could be more fun than hanging out with me. We could still have our walks on the beach, and I'd splash you with cold water and you'd get mad at me, and we'd retire to wherever we're habitating and you could take your shirt off and I'd ogle over the much-ballyhooed gray chest hair we all found out finally that you have (oof). 

Guy thinks I really need someone "to shack up with." Well, gee, Guy, that's only been covered in what, the last 30 blogs? He's just scared, uh, stiff, that he's the one with whom I want to shack the most. Yes, it would change a lot of things for us. For everyone. But the Consortium is still in agreement that he totally digs being so massively physically adored by me and secretly doesn't want me to stop taking about it (or at least he didn't tell me to shut up when I read him all the subsequent commentary about bedding me after the last he'd read having been BMF's "Carpe Diem, Guy!"

Guy's worst flaw is that he let an artist fall in love with him. Artists and writers are raft with rich fantasies, and find a lack of passion fatal. Our hearts also suffer the most breakage. But somehow, we wouldn't trade it for the blah of what is certainly the life of people we know living together now.....you know what I'm saying?

"I'm better for the smile you give, and while I live, I will follow you. Will you follow me?" --Genesis, from the last blog.

In any case, prayers and good vibes to Mum Guy the closer she gets to the gates, and he should know I'm always around to help pick up pieces, or talk, or snuggle. Just stay. Please stay.


Rob Cheney said...

Thoughts are with Guys Mum, Most folk retire to the country from the city not the reverse.I find it all very confusing and mixed up!!!

Andrea Miklasz said...

Rob, Welcome to the world of Guy. "All crazy and mixed up."

Very Moon said...

I so completely relate, you know. There's a part of me that wants you to go all "FIGHT THE POWER!" against him though, like, run from him. RUNNNNNN like the wind. But that's been my own broken MO when things get that tough. Sometimes I listen, sometimes, not so much.

Rob did bring up an excellent point. Most people DON'T move to the city when retiring. They move to like, FL or WI or CA or somewhere in freakin' Missouri. (WHYYYY?)

I keep shaking my head, because seriously, it's like he's either a fool, or cruel. I really hate seeing you eating the crumbs of his affection, while he waves the buffet that he and Puzzle Princess over there are doing. YOU should be globetrotting with him! You deserve!! And then, again, I have to say, if it's true for you, it is not also true for me?

BMForever said...

(Christ, my comment was so long, I had to split it up again. Patience, please.) I speak candidly, if not openly (identifying) as the man who did indeed offer Annie the--I don't know if you'd call it a chance, or an opportunity--to move close to me with her son and, yes, pretty much be my mistress (kept woman is so medieval) with the full knowledge that I have no intention of getting a divorce, which I still don't, which has absolutely nothing to do with how I feel about Annie or how much I truly, honestly, completely love her as a friend, woman and partner. I still have young children to raise who need my presence. No, my wife wasn't really hip to the idea of Annie coming, but yes, honestly, she knew about it, because that's the kind of marriage I have, and I'm a very lucky fella.

I would've made a realy tough girl's life a hell of a lot easier. It's like if I could snap my fingers and get Annie out of a shitty situation and a fresh start, would I? Sure. (She was still working for Guy at the time, BTW.) But at what price, to her or Luke? Couple that with the fact that Annie still had a tremendously scary boyfriend in Chicago only made things more complicated, and I wasn't, shall we say, in my totally right mind at the time.

Circumstances varying between my family and myself and Guy and his family are radically different. I am not of the same religious conviction as Guy, or of any religious conviction at all, so the looming of "sin!!" doesn't enter our equation and we're far less traditional or stuffy. Love conquers all. God's not going to sit in a seat of judgment at the gates asking you why you chose to love a woman who wasn't Catholic or mothered your children. Were you a good man? Did you save lives? Did you help people in need? God, if such a thing exists, cares more about that, I'm sure.

If my "Carpe Diem" is the last comment Guy had read before abandoning the comment thread, that's still my ringing truth. (Annie, your narrative to Guy of the rest of the comments had to be hilarious to listen to.)

Anyone who thinks Annie' just a horny middle aged woman who hasn't gotten any in too long is missing a much bigger picture.

Annie said that Guy said yes, that she should find someone wonderful (?? something like that) to partner up with (the shacking aside) but even Annie's ex-husband will attest, that Annie is persistent to the point of wanting to strangle her (I love you, honey!.

None of us, none of us as her friends, lovers or fans, can understand why she's so hung up on Guy, when we don't see the attraction (so many fish in the sea, though she doesn't eat seafood). This blog features a Woody Allen quote. He's not handsome, he's not sexy. But he's a chick magnet; always has been.

BMForever said...

Very, he is a fool if he chooses to close out his remaining future in what Kate has always called "controlled boredom," when the spurts of life Annie's brought to him and has since they met and became friends have thrilled him.

Guy? She's THAT thrilling. ALL THE FUCKING TIME. I'm not fucking kidding. Once you start giggling with Annie, you kind of don't stop. And smart? And artistic? I get tired of the egotistical "genius" remarks made about me and what I do with my life, but I know I talked about this with Annie re: Kate--walk around the Chicago Art Institute with her sometime and see art the way she interprets it. Read literature she's read and discuss it with her. Talk about that photographic memory you love about her and ask her what the Top 10 songs were in July, 1978, and she'll know what they are, they're history, who performed them and how they go. The breadth of ANNIE's genius makes us best friends, but separates us because even I can't keep up with the rapid firing of her brain and memory.

I don't care who calls her "mentally ill," or "sick," or "fucked up," even Annie herself, or that the extent to which things have escalated at home with her mom are getting really fucking ugly and she's, as you know, as she's told lots of people, been told she'll never amount to anything. Andrea Miklasz is destined and poised for, as my best friend said some time ago, "the evolution of a revolution." To NOT want to be a central part of that, when one is being so openly invited--asked for--wanted, is pure insanity in a negative way Annie doesn't harbor.

Excuse me, ha anyone heard of John Lennon and Yoko Ono? ART ART ART ART ART ART LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE INSPIRATION INSPIRATION!

For whatever it's worth, Guy, Annie's crazy for you, you dip. She's still young, has a gleaming future, and she wants you to be a part of it.

I could give a major crap if your wife reads this or finds out about it. She couldn't compare, history be damned, and never will. If you want to be a part of the revolution, reconsider life with Annie. It doesn't have to be tomorrow. It doesn't have to be in a year.

Guy, you know Latin, you're a doctor.

Vitam Vivere Plenissima!!!!!

Ya dummy. My poor little hopeless romantic Annie.

Destined to be a quotable quote, I'm sure: "The man afforded the privilege to see the world through Annie's eyes, by her side, is the luckiest man in the world."

That's about all I can think of right now. I'm exhausted.

BMF said...

Sorry for all the typos, Ms. Miklasz.

Andrea Miklasz said...

Hi, crying!

Either the psychiatrist taking me off Zoloft is the cause, or you really, really love me.

I pointed Guy towards here but he might be hung up on Mum stuff.

BMF said...

I just want you to be happy, Princess. Your intense unhappiness right now causes me heartache. You mask it very well, with that sense of humor.

Very, I don't think Guy is cruel. I think he's clueless. A fool? Yes.

And you deserve the same happiness! Annie speaks VERY highly of you, VERY.

Very Moon said...

BMF: I could see clueless. I suppose that level of cruelty would actually be sadistic. And, I'll say this much for the fool, he doesn't seem to be that. Also, I try to keep reminding myself of that. If what I say is true for Our Lady of the Drums, than it must surely be as true for me. Thank you for reminding me! :D

Also- John and Yoko is (one of) the BEST love stories ever. Faaaaah-lalalalala to all the Yoko haters.

I also total respect what BMF is saying about his relationship(s). I tried that. Sadly, I was the one more honest, I think. Truth changed me; I can't say it was to my detriment, but, it definitely changed my life.

There's this great quote, which is such a favorite. Thomas Mann. "It is love, not reason, that is stronger than death." Love, and truth, and if you have one, you should have the other.

Rob Cheney said...

Being somewhat detached by geography and not having the met the major players in this episode of life apart from online makes it difficult to comment sometimes as you can judge so much from the tone of a voice or seeing someones face that you cant get from an online chat. But this quote form BMF's post says it all to me

"BMF said...

I just want you to be happy, Princess. Your intense unhappiness right now causes me heartache. You mask it very well, with that sense of humor.

Very, I don't think Guy is cruel. I think he's clueless. A fool? Yes."

Im sure i can speak for your other dear friends as well that we all hate seeing you in turmoil over "guy" who seems to be going through a pre-retirement life crisis

I have said my bit (hijacked someone elses bit)

Now time to do some work

Andrea Miklasz said...

No, Rob, I completely see your point.

Andrea Miklasz said...

PS, EXCELLENT quote, Very!

BMF said...

I'm not sure I'd define it as a midlife crisis, Rob. I just think he met our Annie, went gaga over her & now he's questioning what to do about it. Annie seems to know exactly what she wants, on the other hand.

Rob Cheney said...

@BMF That makes sense :)

Anonymous said...

If Guy Friend's mom dies, you can certainly ask him what one of her favorite charities might be and make an anonymous donation in her name, if you don't feel comfortable going to a wake or funeral, which yes would be awkward for all.

Andrea Miklasz said...

Guy himself, to me, is not a fool, but he's *acting* foolishly. Our relationship's been one really long Woody Allen movie.

Anonymous said...

Andrea, it'd have been great having you in town, but I truly understand why you wouldn't leave Chicago with your family all being there and your son too. I think the divorce was traumatic enough for Luke. But he's a strong kid, physically and emotionally and he's done well adjusting. I like how every time I see him, he's like 6 inches taller than the last time we saw one another. You're doing a GREAT job as a mom and you should be proud. I've never raised a child from birth-on, so there's a lot I can't relate to, but seeing him now and how fucking smart he is, it's clear as day. Your kid's a fucking genius, no bullshit.

Ok, I've never raised a child, period. But bless you and you ex-husband and BMF that you have, and they're all great kids.

Guy's girls are all grown up and leading their own lives, so I think the move is sensical, but extremely odd that they'd choose urbia over suburbia.

I totally agree with what you had said to others that he was a good husband, provider, caretaker, and did a great job. But now in his late 50's, he deserves to be with a woman who will constantly challenge him and stimulate him (I'm not just talking sexually though you'd do that too).

We make vows for life when we get married. That in mind, the divorce rate is 50%. That sucks, but it's true.

Molds. People expect people to fit into molds of certain types of "the right" people to fall in love with. You consistently refer to yourself as the crazy pierced, tattooed girl who's loony as a bat, but those of us who know you well, or intimately, see through that and see a vulnerable, delicate genius woman.

What would Guy Friend have in common with you? You crack each other up. You're both passionate about music and medicine and the human condition. I don't see how ink on your skin has anything to do with that, seriously. Maybe you'd be the black sheep of the Irish family in general, but my perception of you is that you don't give a shit. You're uncontrollable. The only one who can control is you, and that's barely possible.

Guy Friend would make an excellent anchor for you to rely on. It's not just a fear of abandonment or a male figure complex--you truly love this guy and you told me during our overnight chat that you did from the moment you met him.

Don't forget, I was with my wife for 25 years, mostly happy years. But growing in different directions or choosing separate paths is normal an healthy. She deserves a happy life as much as I do. There ARE amicable ways to split, as I'm sure you remember when you divorced your husband.

It's messy and difficult, but not insurmountable. I don't care WHAT guy Guy thinks you should seek and find. You're in love with him. Lucky bastard.


Andrea Miklasz said...

Guy and I fight like cats and dogs. Or, as I originally typed, cats and frogs. (I'm tired.)

We wouldn't if we didn't love one another...a whole lot. Yes/no?

Maybe it's just that time of the month (hysterectomy but ovaries left intact) that I'm more, uh, *attentive* towards Guy, but in all seriousness, I would move mountains to stay in his life.

He's just irresistible.

The old fuckin' soul thriller.

Anonymous said...

You love the struggle. And the drama. If Guy ever were to actually choose to spend his remaining years with you, he'd quickly become the dreaded "controlled boredom" to you.

Anonymous said...

Anon Whomoever,

You obviously have no idea what the level of passion is between Guy and Andrea.

Original Anonymous #1

Andrea Miklasz said...

I just came back to this after seeing it flip up on the radar again. Maybe Kate would stop by with her definition of controlled boredom, but you obviously don't know Guy. I knew 2 weeks into meeting him that he thrilled my soul. The first introductory question I asked him was whom was his favorite band. When he said The Who, I knew we'd be ok. And he was the only doctor in the practice who remembered and called my by name. The dimples just sealed the deal. The thing is, he's NOT boring. He's just used to being conformed into a standard. My friends are right--he's done his job, lived up to his promise, now he deserves to be thrilled for the rest of his natural life.

Thanks for weighing in, though, no-name commentator!