Wednesday, July 17, 2013

So Very Pinteresting, And For the Fans.....Flaming Lips and Otherwise.

Jeeeeeeeeeeeeessus. Or lack of Jeeeeeeeeeeeesus.

While we're at it, Fuckin' Disney and all they Fuckin' stand for, those fuckin' assholes. Am I the only one who's seen the sexual innuendo video of all of the phallic/vaginal/perverted illustrations they sketch into their family-oriented movies? Pervs.

Pinterest. Holy crap.

It's so INCREDIBLY not recommended if you have ANYTHING ELSE to do, like homework. Or child-rearing. Or murder-plotting. Laundry. A job. Showering. I mean, anything, totally. I thought sucked me in. Now, all of a sudden, hundreds of wayward individuals with even shorter attention spans have begun following me on Pinterest. Hundreds! They're oddly intrigued by the food I find somewhat appetizing, the clothes I either own or would like to own, crap I hate, musicians I like or know, my religious convictions, Woody Allen, philosophy, tactless humor, "funzies," my favorite authors/places/thingys, my son, my hopeless romanticism and quest to be the most unrequited lover of all time, anarchy, art, books, writing, weight loss and being completely insane. It certainly begs the question, "WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK?" (

It's where souls go to share pictures of their, interesting objects du jour, art, politics, music, it's like more Twitter-useless than Guy could even tolerate. It's just PICTURES OF SHIT. I'm sure Guy has literally no idea what it is, because it's more befuddling than Twitter, about which he relentlessly complains. (Incidentally, Guy, if your daughters' dream weddings are anything like they're portraying on Pinterest, take a second mortgage out on the house, dude, and quit going on vacation, bro, you'll need the dough!)

I like finding shit on Pinterest. I repost a lot of it. I collect the pictures. It's numbing escapism (unlike Twitter, where you're forced to be witty in 140 characters or less). It's literally NOTHING BUT A WASTE OF TIME.

So naturally, since I'm completely procrastinating my work, I'm over there. Good news! That book I was supposed to have read 4 months ago arrived today, I have to pick out 3 things of interest and compose a 3 page paper on it. No problema. Let's rock this out. Later. Right now, I'm busy defending Guy's hair versus Devo and that guy from Sparks. (Don't ask, Guy, and be thankful I deemed you far more masculine than John Waters.)

I looked up Steven. In his category, you'll find pictures of Steven and I, Steven performing, Steven being Steven, his instruments, illustrations, all kindsa stuff. Steven being generally beautiful and interesting. His portrayal, however, is brief. So I searched him. This is what I was told:

Holidays? He loves cheesy Christmas sweaters. Corgis? Don't think he owns one, but then again, I don't know how big Becky's purse is.

Sneakers? Loves 'em. 

Pasta? Uncool for his svelte waistline. But what ODD suggestions.

So I look up Wayne. He's a bit more popular, being all glamorous and gorgeous and all. But I really had no idea his lack of religious affiliation was subject for public scrutiny.

Now THAT is one happy godless motherfucker. He's on the fast track to heaven based solely upon his looks....or being really nice. According to Pinterest, it doesn't really matter. Snap judgment city!

No bullshit. Either of those 2 guys could ceremonially worship Subway coupons from the Sunday papers, and they'd still float my boat. A footlong on a flatbread, YEAH BABY.

Both sweetie pies are in my sub-category of "Music/Musicians," along with about 2000 pictures of George Harrison. I figured since I *am* a musician, I'd add myself to my board.

Don't forget drummer! I'm a helluva drummer!

I can't help but laugh at the 900+ freakazoids who've publicly exclaimed on Facebook to be fans of The Offbeat Drummer. I'm truly flattered and appreciative, especially of the 68,000 people who "talked" last week and reached out in protest of Guy's being insensitive while I had piles bottles of sedatives laid out on my bed.

I post a lot of random shit on that page, as well as links to the blog entries. I love all of the readers--except this one broad who was offended by a picture I posted; this:


Fine. If you're a fan and follower of my blog and page, why the fuck are you bitching about the pictures I post? Why'd you "like" me in the first place? Nobody asked for your opinion. The shit went down like this, and do feel free to heckle her, if for no other reason than the fact that she ended a question with a period and not a question mark:

Jiminy Cricket. Whaddya gonna do, send a legal team after me for exposing your Facebook identity? I'd be more worried about your reputation of having a profile picture of your nuclear family with Disney characters online. You blocked it. That means, essentially, that YOU, YOURSELF, won't have to see it. It doesn't send a firing squad after the Offbeat Drummer. But how fun would that be to dodge? I'm jumpy enough! Report it as personally offending you. I almost give a crap. My bet's you drive a minivan with smooching Mickey/Minnie stickers on your windows. In any regard, my level of shit to give is pretty much nil.

So does the Offbeat Drummer.


Rob Cheney said...

There's not many people less masculine than John waters! I had forgotten about sparks until they were mentioned so watched a couple of vids on YouTube what an odd pair that Curly and Hitler Mael are

Andrea Miklasz said...

Guy has a WAY better mustache.