Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Jesus, Joe. For Crissakes.


(Yes, I clicked the box on whitehouse.gov that indicates that I demand a reply. Giddy to see what I'll receive.)

Dear Mr. Vice-President,

In re: your email tonight, which said:

"Andrea --

Look, you've really got to get involved here.

We've got the last Dinner with Barack of this campaign coming up, and before this tradition is over I think you should give it a shot.

Supporters like you mean a lot to Barack and me -- it's time for you to take your seat at the table. Chip in $5 or whatever you can and you'll automatically be entered for a chance to fly out with a guest for dinner with the President. Your airfare and hotel are on us:

Thanks,

Joe

P.S. -- We've got just 48 days left in this campaign -- and every last one counts. Donate today and help fund our ground game for these last few weeks.

Your "ground game?" Are you playing a 2-on-2  basketball tourney with Romney and Ryan? This election is not a game, no matter how goofy and gaffe-ridden ALL FOUR OF YOU are behaving.

While you and Mr. Obama indeed have my vote, I feel compelled to call you out on the alarming, threatening, bum-with-a-cup-of-jingling-change plea for $5 to donate to a campaign already overflowing with millions of surplus dollars with which to throw fancy dinners and supply airfare and hotels for your adoring constituents. I live in Illinois. You already effectively won my state by virtue of of Chicago being Mr. Obama's town. (My $5 wouldn't even cover a pair of Mrs. Obama or Dr. Biden's pantyhose.)

As an unemployed, single mother yet flag-flying, liberal member of the infamous "47%" and a peace-loving anarchist who votes Democrat as the lesser of 2 necessary evils, while I am deeply grateful for the Medicaid and all, don't you think squeezing an extra $5 out of a 40-year old who lives back home with her mother (in order to be entered into a CONTEST to dine with the Heads of State, where you'd probably serve like lamb, or some other meat I don't eat) just a wee bit tacky? It made me very uneasy, Joe, if I may address you as per your email greeting. Besides, I spent the last $5 I had on me parking at the train station today. I have friends who are Rock Stars! and Doctors! Eek a few thousand out of those guys, one of whom I seriously considered writing in as a candidate for your job, actually. (I may have been the only US citizen who actually took the Coyne/Drozd ticket seriously.)

If the USA ran *my* way, Clinton would've served innumerable terms, for I affirm that our fair country saw nary a more prosperous and peaceful time than when Bill was in charge and getting a little on the side.

Happy President = Happy USA.

Good luck with the rest of the campaign. Don't worry about Romney. I have every confidence that you and Mr. Obama will ultimately swing the voters into the Blue.

But seriously, enough with the emails that make you look like a douchey mafioso loan shark. If my $5 will honestly keep women's bodily choices up to individual women, or will actively aid in stopping senseless wars to bring our troops home, let me know and I'll give it consideration. Until then, with all due reverence, Joe, cut the political fundraising email crap.

Love you guys. Totally.

Andrea Miklasz


4 comments:

best male friend said...

Girlfriend, I'll send you $5 to send to Obama/Biden just to see which voraciously conservative, Romney-supporting, right-wing, Mormon-favoring, pro-"preborn," immigrant-hating, Ouija-board playing, levitating, fornicating vegetarian you'd allow to tag along.

Think of it like the lottery: "You can't win if you don't play."

Andrea Miklasz said...

Knowing you can and DO levitate, BMF, I guess you're ruled out, though your arm candy value is in the stratosphere.

I got paid today, so I relented and sent in my measly contribution. Joe like guilted me into it. My work here is done.

Duh, in the extremely unlikely event I "won," I'd invite whatever citizen I know who has a fatter FBI file than I probably do.

Andrea Miklasz said...

(e.g. Kate)

best male friend said...

Sorry, Annie, but if Kate has an FBI file, while I highly doubt you do, I want to marry her and not you.