Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Regardless if You Are or Aren't a Grammar Nazi...

Politics? No, I don't keep up with politics. Anyone who reads me with any regularity already knows this. People who love me, love me regardless.

But I keep up with my friend, Sree's, updates, which are typically witty, thought-provoking and interesting, especially his on-train observations, and though not an ace speller, I cut him slack because he was confined to the Science Side of School and I was confined to the Humanities Side of School. We each bring different traits to our virtual friendship. I have to wonder, though, about some of his mates.

I am a Grammar Snob, except when I'm purposely writing in vernacular English or employing colloquialisms. This, my readers also already know. It depends on my mood, my style, for any given blog entry...whether or not I stick strictly with proper grammar, punctuation and syntax. If I'm lambasting someone or something, I typically begin to write in streams-of-consciousness which are informal and accessible to just about everyone. If I'm just spouting, it's more casual, much the same way that I speak, only you miss the intonation of my thick Chicago accent, which is REALLY nasally. If I'm reviewing a book or something, certainly, I'll be *more* formal and annotate when I remember, and so on.

Sree's an old Knox friend, and he's a drummer, and just very cool. I have zero interest in sparring with HIM. But he posted something a little while ago about the Wisconsin gubernatorial election, blah, blah, blah. I simply read his update. After some commentary consisting of dairy-wise, Chessehead-country puns by a few friends, some who were mutual friends of ours, a fellow Knox graduate, with whom I'm not friends, posted the following statement, which threw me into a shit storm of fury so vile, I disregarded my ex-husband's snarky suggestion that I take a walk outside and stare directly into the sun, furiously texted Steven and literally had to take an Estazolam in favor of taking apart my college graduation tassel and hanging myself from the strands:

"I have grave concerns on how the state heals after this process....irregardless of outcome."

Fuck what happens in Wisconsin. It's THAT WORD. "Irregardless." While it might be recognized by a spell-checker, and widely accepted as part of the modern English vernacular, it GRATES on my LAST FUCKING NERVE.

That word has been a sore spot on my spine FOREVER, and was heightened during my tenure at Balderdash & Verities, during which time a relatively intelligent, well-meaning and sweet college student would interject "irregardless" multiple times a day, despite the fact that, timidness aside, I corrected her innumerably.

"What's got your undies in a bundle, Annie?" you're all wondering. "It's just a word."

Allow me to explain. To say something is "irregardless" of something else, in actuality, you're saying that something, in fact, has regard or merit. "Irregardless" is a double-negative, forming one positive. "Irregardless' is regardless/regardless = regard. "Irr" = without. "Regardless" = negating, without, not taking into account.

Regardless of whether or not you have used it in your daily life, it's illogical. And it's one of those unreal words that people just assume are acceptable. But do you get it, now that I've broken it down? God, I hope so.

After Steven said the use of the word was "sad and enraging!," he said it was "willfully dumb." I agreed, and came to the conclusion that it had to have become popularized during the last Bush administration. Steven interjected, "Actually, I'm wrong about that. It's people who think they are being clever or intelligent, when really they are fucking completely ignorant and idiotic. Yes?"

To which I answered, "Absofuckinglutely."

Another word-that's-not-really-a-word? One that drives SuperJuls nuts? "Methodology." I high-fived my girlfriend on that one, too. Any "-ology" will inherently have a "method." It's totally redundant. What hath become of Western Civilization?

Hey, chicky babies, I *make up* my own words, all the time. And I'm a big fan of words that have become part of the American English vernacular, i.e. "douchebag," or "fucktard." Perhaps my favorite, though, is "clusterfuck." (Yes, in fact, pretty much any word that's turned into a noun by virtue of an obscenity is humorous to me. Any obscenity is fair game, save for my least favorite swear word, "cunt." Unless I get really, really, really, really pissed.)

The one and only public instance during which I not only endorsed the use of "cunt" but also championed it? See below: John Lennon and George Harrison, in an early take of the slam against Paul McCartney, "How Do You Sleep?" from the "Imagine" sessions. It comes at around 1:35 into the video, perfectly.

Anyway, my most recent, original Annieism? "SHENANIGANATHON." Definition? Shenanigans that go on for an extended period of time. It's an easy one. Use it in a sentence?

It's no wonder I'm super cranky today, though I had a very upbeat telephone conversation with the my recently-returned from his third-world country vacation guy friend. But I explained that I'm rapid-cycling, bipolar-wise, and that has me extra super duper upbeat, but can rip the heads off anyone who crosses me, hence my tirade about something as seemingly insignificant as the word "irregardless."

End. Of. Rant.


Paul Cienniwa said...

"If I'm lambasting someone or something, I typically begin to write in streams-of-consciousness that are informal and accessible to just about everyone." Proper usage here is "which," not "that."

Andrea Miklasz said...

Irregardless, I was writing in the stream-of-consciousness in which I speak, case-in-point right there. And thank you for not calling me a "cunt." Seriously.

Paul Cienniwa said...

So grammar counts when you call the shots. I see.

Andrea Miklasz said...

Essentially. I admitted being a grammar snob! There was another instance of that/which in the blog, but I didn't edit it and change it to the proper.