Saturday, February 25, 2012

From "Stop the Violence Against Women and Children" on Facebook...

Abusers are NEVER what they appear to be....
They are contradictory by nature:
~The perpetrator can be (and often is) someone who most people think is one of the nicest people they know.
~Not all drug addicts or alcoholics perpetrate abuse.
~Just because somebody is well educated does not mean they are not abusive.
~Abusers come from all socio-economic groups: poor, middle class AND rich people can be perpetrators of abuse.
~Guilt cannot be determined or dismissed by whether a person is religious or not: their actions may contradict their religious beliefs.
~Similarly, a lack of faith (atheism) does not equal a lack of morals or absence of emapthy.
~Not all violence is conspicuous- Some abusers may seem to be placid and passive. Many abusers use indirect threats and degrading analogies to instill fear and erode self-confidence, rather than simply using their fists.
~Just because someone is angry a lot doesn't mean they are violent or abusive. In fact, most abusers do not need "anger management" (though they may claim to). WHY? An abuser is not an abuser because he has chronic anger - he has chronic anger because he is an abuser. Abusers do not "lose control" in anger when they abuse others - they use anger to maintain control and continue their abuse.
~Looks can definitely be deceiving: Just as we cannot judge someone for their looks, we also cannot judge them by their presentation: not all abusers wear a suit, and many victims have tattoos.
~The sweetest looking people may be far from innocent, and the meanest looking people are not always culprits: The huge, hairy, scary looking biker over the road is a friend of mine, and is one of the least offensive people I know: his wife of many years confirms all the time that he is the sweetest, most caring partner; his 3 boys are confident, polite, caring, kind to others and verbally assertive, as is his wife: he is a fantastic father and husband. The lawyer who lives next door to him however? Well, we all worry about his wife....

OK so we know that abusers are NEVER what they appear to be, but how do they do it? Answer = Power!
One of the hardest things to comprehend about domestic violence is the power factor: the power the perpetrator has over the victim! The bruises that you may or may not see and the bangs and crashes and yelling that you hear are usually only the tip of the iceberg. Emotional abuse is the core issue in any form of abuse. Most victims would never tolerate from a stranger the abuse that they endure from a family member or significant other. The emotional hold that perpetrators have over their victim(s) is invisible, both to the victims and to everybody else. That is the power of the perpetrator.

Where's the LIGHT?
As powerful as some bullies, abusers and criminals may be, just like the common or regular bully, abuser or criminal, they fear the Light: they fear exposure and loss of that control that makes them powerful. Take back that control by taking control of your own behavior! Only you can do anything about it. Get help to RESIST. Ask for HELP and INFORMATION!!!!"

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