Wednesday, July 16, 2008

When Life Hands You Dorks, Make...Uh, Some Sort of Beverage.

I've learned that when the world throws material like this into my lap, it is pointless to resist...

Scene: Elevator at the Highrise, the ride from Floor 1 to Floor 38.

Our Cast of Characters: Dorky Affluent Family (Dad in sandals w/granny glasses, khaki shorts and a Polo, Surly Teenage Son, who clearly loves him some serious J. Crew, and Mom with requisite medium-length hair in a bandana, a sundress, a sweater over her shoulders and their leftover dinner in a paper shopping bag).

Now, I'm barely socially seasoned enough to say hello to random elevator co-passengers, let alone engage them in small talk. Usually I just stand against the wall clutching my various Stuff to Schlep and construct little vigniettes in my mind about overthrowing their Bourgeois, elitist butts with a fist full of my patented Blue Collar Whoop-Ass. While the elevator to the 38th floor is zippy, it's still packs a good minute of conversation to overhear.

(We'll call whomever they were talking about "Joe," as I cannot remember his real name.)

Son: "Do you think Joe likes his new job?"
Mom: "Yes, he seemed to! But you know Joe..."
Dad: "Joe. Never worked a hard day in his life."
Son: "Wasn't he a coach at Loyola?"
Dad: "Football. Please, all Joe did all day was follow around young men in tights."

(Oh God, oh God, oh God....I have to say SOMETHING!)

Me: "Hey, THAT sounds like a good gig, sign me up for THAT!"

(Elevator stops on the 36th floor, where Dorky Affluent Family resides.)

Mom (hysterically laughing): "Ha! Ha! Ha! Yeah!"
(I was poised for my high-five, but alas...)

Dad (snarky and put off): "Yes, well, perhaps you can find that online somewhere. Good night."

Me: "Goodnight! Enjoy your evening!"
(Which translates to: "Now, why don't you take your uppity ass go outside and play Hide and Go Fuck Yourself?)

I'm giddy with wonder at who I might run into tomorrow!

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