One of my recommendation letters (out of 4 requests) was completed today, that of my former colleague/supervisor at WKQX-FM, James Van Osdol, who wrote me a glowing letter and emailed it promptly in less than 8 hours' time, emailing me the results. He said I owe him a cookie. I owe him more than that, like my deepest indebted gratitude, and while we haven't seen one another in a long time, I was able to catch him up on my life recently via the medium of Twitter, and trust me, that's a lot to pack into 18 years in 140-character increments, which began a couple of weeks ago over our mutual disdain for anyone (Luke's pet peeve too) who doesn't spell Spider-Man as Spider-Man and reduces it to one word. So thank you again, James. The rest of ya'll? Please. For my sanity. Please. I know you're busy. Deadlines. Manic-depressive. Please.
Luke overtook my computer this afternoon (mistake #1) and while he was doing whatever he was doing, I lied down on my bed (mistake #2). For the next 3 hours, I drifted in and out of consciousness thinking about my son, when he was a toddler, and seeing him sing "Ba, Ba Black Sheep" (which I knew I had on video online somewhere) and walking around our old living room in his footie pajamas with his curly hair. My subconscious also remembered him sitting on the kitchen counter. Like this, where he was no doubt looking quizzically at a VHS tape and wondering why in hell I was making him watch the PBS series "Caillou" in French, given neither his father nor I speak French:
Luke overtook my computer this afternoon (mistake #1) and while he was doing whatever he was doing, I lied down on my bed (mistake #2). For the next 3 hours, I drifted in and out of consciousness thinking about my son, when he was a toddler, and seeing him sing "Ba, Ba Black Sheep" (which I knew I had on video online somewhere) and walking around our old living room in his footie pajamas with his curly hair. My subconscious also remembered him sitting on the kitchen counter. Like this, where he was no doubt looking quizzically at a VHS tape and wondering why in hell I was making him watch the PBS series "Caillou" in French, given neither his father nor I speak French:
And, while I was drooling on my Curious George this afternoon, I was having bizarre visions of aged actor Sam Waterston (separate story), in the context of a leading romantic role he had in Woody Allen's film, "September," which is one of the few DVD's I have on-hand at my mom's house (mediocre Allen film, Sam looks HAWT!). Having taken 2mg of my anxiety medication this afternoon, warding off acute mania, I guess it kinda knocked me loopy, during which I missed 14 emails. (No, BMF, I'm not going to make it up there tomorrow. There's too much to manage in the virtual world of Burgeoning Grad Student Annie.I step away for 3 hours and the whole world emails me...)
Wracking my brain to think of where online I put the video I had of Luke when he was 2, which is, I guess, my only film capture of him in toddlerhood, I remembered that it was on my defunct myspace (remember that site, kids?). Luckily, it's still active. We had this camera, at the time, and while digital, it could only shoot videos up to 30 seconds in length. I caught Luke on an uncharacteristically immodest day, I guess, for he was normally quite camera-shy at that age.
What did I long for, ultimately, this afternoon? Peace. Rest. My little boy to be my little, little boy again. And, it would seem, a roll in the hay with Sam Waterston.
I mean, seriously. How brutally hot IS this guy?
2 comments:
I totally understand why you can't come up today and I can't make it down to see you. We will work out the end of the month. :(
Your education comes before seeing me, remember that. I'm always around, somewhere.
I know you like geezers, but isn't Sam Waterston even a little old for YOU? :)
Catch you soon, sweetie, and I love you.
BMF
I appreciate your understanding and it's true, we have virtually forever, but it doesn't make me any less sad today. I deserve and need a break and can't catch one anywhere. My foul mood is rubbing off on Luke, who says he's sad and mad when I'm sad and mad.
My computer breaking & all my grad school stuff on it and having it out for repair for the next 5 days just makes things more unbearably stressful, and I'm close enough to the edge.
It was a "Soft Bulletin" day as I drove around, dropping Luke off and running frantically while emails stock piled in my inbox. I clenched to....
"...and though they were sad, they rescued everyone. They lifted up the sun. A spoonful weighs a ton."
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