Tuesday, May 13, 2014

She Had Every Right To Bitch

I've been fat and I've been anorexic. I'll take anorexic any day of the week. It's been so bad since I've gained weight that I've considered committing suicide over the weight.  I'm over 40--weight doesn't just fall off. A month on the thyroid medication hasn't helped yet. I kept up walking about 10 miles in total with Guy on Friday, but by Saturday, I could barely walk, I was so worn out. My random knee pain, which is excruciating, has returned.  The whole situation just feels like it's never going to get better. My family is not supportive or encouraging. 

I've been trying to find the right dress for Luke's graduation banquet and graduation, and it's been failure after failure. Shopping online doesn't help, but I have a decent grasp of my size, and I'm fooling myself. That's the caveat of shopping online--you don't get to try things on and have to end up returning them. 

What's most disheartening is the fact that I asked my son to watch this clip (transcript below) to get a better understanding about how heavier women feel out in the dating world. What'd he say? "Yeah, I watched it. It's stupid. It's just some fat chick complaining about how she's fat."

And we're not supposed to do that. And we're supposed to thank the heavens for every crumb of attention any man chooses to pay us. It's all out of sympathy, anyway. No matter how we try to dress flatteringly, it ultimately doesn't matter. In the episode, Louis CK turns down the fat girl for a date she's asked him for more than once.

Transcript of "Louis" courtesy of Jezebel:

Vanessa: Ugh, dammit. That is so goddamn disappointing, Louie.
Louie, you know what the meanest thing is you can say to a fat girl? "You're not fat." I mean, come on, buddy. It just sucks. It really really sucks. You have no idea. And the worst part is, I'm not even supposed to do this. Tell anyone how bad it sucks, because it's too much for people. I mean, you, you can talk into the microphone and say you can't get a date, you're overweight. It's adorable. But if I say it, they call the suicide hotline on me.
I mean, can I just say it? I'm fat. It sucks to be a fat girl. Can people just let me say it? It sucks. It really sucks. And I'm going to go ahead and say it. It's your fault.
Look, I really like you, you're truly a good guy, I think. I'm so sorry. I'm picking you. On behalf of all the fat girls, I'm making you represent all the guys. Why do you hate us so much? What is is about the basics of human happiness, feeling attractive, feeling loved, having guys chase after us, that's just not in the cards for us? Nope. Not for us.
How is that fair? And why am I supposed to just accept it?
Louie: You know, Vanessa, you're a very, really beautiful—
Vanessa: If I was a very, really beautiful, then you would have said yes when I asked you out. I mean, come on, Louie, be honest here. You know what's funny? I flirt with guys all the time. And I mean the great looking ones, the really high-caliber studs? They flirt right back, no problem. Because they know their status will never be questioned. But guys like you never flirt with me, because you get scared that maybe you should be with a girl like me.
And why not? You know, if you were standing over there looking at us, you know what you'd see? That we totally match. We're actually a great couple together. And yet, you would never date a girl like me. Have you ever dated a girl that was heavier than you? Have you?
Louie: Yes I have, yes I have.
Vanessa: No no no, I didn't say have you ever fucked a fat girl, Louie. I'm sure you have. Every guy has. I mean, when I met you, if I had said, "Hey, do you want to go to the bathroom and screw on a big can of peaches?" you would have gone for it. No, I'm saying, have you ever dated a fat girl. Have you ever kissed a fat girl? Have you ever wooed a fat girl? Have you ever held hands with a fat girl? Have you ever walked down the street in the light of day, holding hands, with a big girl like me?
Go ahead. Hold my hand. What do you think is going to happen? You think your dick is going to fall off if you hold hands with a fat girl? You know what the sad thing is? It's all I want. I mean, I can get laid. Any woman who is willing can get laid. I don't want that. I don't even need a boyfriend or a husband. All I want is to hold hands with a nice guy, and walk and talk —

Spoiler alert: He holds her hand at the end.


Anonymous said...

The very reason guys get annoyed by fat girls is here; the fact that they just go off on some inane rant on how insecure they are while Louis, the innocent guy, takes a verbal beating for no reason

Andrea Miklasz said...

If you watched the clip, or the show, which obviously you didn't, Vanessa freely admits to Louie that she's singling him out on behalf of all the guys out there, not just bitching. What you're doing is perpetuating the stereotype that heavier women aren't supposed to talk about how much it sucks to be heavy. It wasn't an inane rant at all. Fucking Louis wrote it for God's sake! Do you not know anything about his show?

Andrea Miklasz said...

And like skinny girls never go on rants about how insecure they are because they're built like 10-year old boys? I don't know who you are, buddy, but you've got a lot of lessons to learn. It's okay for a skinny girl to go on a rant about how she has no boobs or is too thin, but if a heavy girl does it, whoa, that's annoying. Fuck you.

Andrea Miklasz said...

You're a fine one to talk, Luke.

Andrea Miklasz said...

I just woke up from this dream I had that Louis CK and ran this "Charlie's Angels" agency out of Camp Swanky, my old, mammoth giant apartment, but all of the women were dressed like they were on "Downton Abbey," which made it all the funnier. Of course, I laid down with a crippling earache at the time, and had been up since 3:30 am getting my son ready for a field trip, so....no wonder.

Andrea Miklasz said...

*Louis CK and I ran it.

BMF said...

I can't help you with your current Guy malady of him being in Germany. You'll just have to ride the storm out, honey.

I will address the Louie clip. I know Luke left the originating comment, which...shame on you! Your mom is pretty and gorgeous no matter her body size which yes, at the time, is heavy. But that'll come off Guy said himself he thought she was a supermodel.

I think the girl in the clip, while using Louie as a scapegoat, did had every room to crab about (and I'm as guilty as any guy) not being date-ably noticed by guys. It's a sad fact of life. And unfair.

But Annie, you're SO MUCH MORE than the pounds you currently carry, which you won't forever. You're Annie, for crissakes I don't believe Guy noticed it much on your date (if you were kissing and he held your hand) and it certainly doesn't bother me.

I know you wish you were anorexic again, but with your height, you were too skinny. Let's find a happy medium, ok?

love you