Barely.
This'll be short and sweet (well, sweet, not so much and short, improbable) because I just got up to take some more nighttime cold/flu medication. The last comment by me on Thursday from the entry 2 weeks ago? Prophetic. Any time I get fire hot red ears, something really shitty is about to happen. And school crap aside, this is all I need.
The flu-flu.
You must know that if I skip band, I must feel AMAZINGLY CRAPPY.
I DON'T MISS BAND. I AM A BAND CHAMPION. A WARRIOR!
I've shown up with pancreatitis, 3 days after gall bladder removal, 2 weeks after a hysterectomy, and any other hosts of death-defying illness. The Offbeat Drummer doesn't bow out of drumming for something as mild as the flu, but oh my stars.
I didn't attend Friday night's practice. I didn't think it was possible to feel crappier on Saturday night, so I went to rehearsal Saturday afternoon, where the band'd been kind enough to set up my music stand and djembe stand for me, and put my stool where it goes. I did a run-through of the week's songs with the group (first the fill-in piano player) and was getting progressively worse. They're all like, "If you gotta bail, we'll make due..." but being stubborn, I pressed forward.
I had an hour between practice and the service, during which I became so dizzy, cold and out-of-it achy that I told Pastor Dave it was doubtful I was going to make it through the service. (I had a 102 fever.) No, actually, I told him I was going home for an hour, Luke electing to stay home and cough, but in that time, I deteriorated such that when I came back to collect my djembe and split, I was too ill to go to his office so I had the other girls let him know I was going home. I feel really bad about it, but I told Pastor, I was just hoping to stay conscious through the service, which in hindsight, wouldn't have happened.
Luke was already home hacking up lungs left and right .He wanted to go to Jimmy Johns (We love us some serious Jimmy Johns) but I told him I was too dizzy to drive; so instead, we Grub Hubbed like fucking $50 worth of veggie sushi and appetizers. We were warned by my mom not to go crazy spending the week she's in Canada (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) but figured we'd suffered enough. She left this afternoon. (And fuckn' Guy plans a trip to beer it up the same week, dummy. We could be having hot relaxing...tea at my house! He did sweetly send me a pic today of himself with a (God I hope it's temporary) tattoo on his inner right wrist of the Japanese symbol for "honor." Oh guy, you're so edgy. It's also, cue "You're the Inspiration," the same place I got my first REAL tat that he accompanied me for like 2 years ago. It's cute. But it looks completely uncharacteristic of him.)
Back to Ma and her gleeful departure. It was not after much ballyhoo, however. I was up emailing a a friend who needed me at 4am, and went outside for a smoke, all nice and Ambiened and valiumed up. Stumbling back into the house, I fell......again. This time to the left of the back door and directly into Ma's garden full off pretty (now flat) flowers, decorative metal fall items, etc. I honestly didn't think anything was wrong until I was looking up to get up and blood was pouring onto my eyeglass frames (which I didn't break), but apparently, I had a gash in my head, and on my forehead, and by my eyebrow rings. I cleaned up as best I could before finally finishing my email and hitting the hay. I don't *think * I had a concussion, because I had my wits about me, and stayed up until almost 5:30 am, when I could take no more and succumbed to sleep. I'm pretty banged up, though. And who would know, with my personality, if I had a concussion or was just insane as ever? Thank GOD my mom didn't come out, because I'd be sequestered in mental hospital by now, no doubt without WiFi.
This is kind of what looked like, in all seriousnesss, walking back into the house (no, not Steven, downtrodden on a bench. Wayne spewing blood everywhere).
So back to bed I shall return, on the pilllowase I haven't washed yet, which looks like someone got shot in "Goodfellas," not terribly sleepy, but Rule #4140 we broke when my mom left was putting the air conditioning on, at a low temperature, so it's nice and chilly in here to snuggle into blankets.
So I surivived..but yeah, the blood pouring down the glasses frame was a wake up call. Bad Annie!
13 comments:
Oof. That's not cool, Annie.
While I understand the function of sedative/hypnotics, I've never taken Ambien, and I can't imagine being so tanked out that you can write an email (did it even make sense?) and wander off out in the dark to smoke, so unsteady that you keep falling and hurting yourself. I don't understand Ambien. And you remember parts of it but not others? That shit's WEIRD.
This is a bad pattern, and the first time you've reported that you bled. Granted, it was from your head, and that's a bleeder and then some, but I just wish you were safer.
Your mom imposing "rules" of you not going out after you take your meds is unreasonable. You're a grown woman. You're not a child. She's not in charge of you.
Luke taking her side is just him being worried about you, not because he's mad at you. He just wants you to not get hurt.
If I hear one more report of abuse of you at home by ANYONE...emotionally, verbally or physically, I'm getting heavily involved and NO ONE will like that.
Keep an eye on the dizziness, please. Thank you. I hope you didn't crack your skull, though they'e tough.
Feel better, dear. The flu is no fun. Luke too!!!
Great pic you sent of Guy's faux tattoo. Silly Guy paying homage to his silly Annie. Endearing.
I had Luke look at my scalp after I washed my hair to see if it was one big gash or 3, since there felt like there were 3 scabs. He said it's one long gash, about 1.5" long, and coagulated, so didn't look like it needed stitches.
Ambien's a tricky mofo....you should see the bruises on my thigh from wherever the hell I fell.
Ambien IS totally weird. I have found that it really kicks in after you take it, and then take a hot bath. >_< Of course, then you wind up taking nude photos in the steamy mirror, because suddenly it looks really edgy and cool, like it doesn't when you aren't on Ambien. How did you not see that before, you wonder. I've wound up taking Instagram photos of myself while on Ambien, which probably wouldn't have been too weird, aside from the dog collar on my head like some Renaissance tiara. Because, wow, isn't Patsy's collar SO COOL?!
Seriously. Ambien is just bizzaro, if you don't go RIGHT to bed, turn off the lights, and ignore the fact you don't "FEEL" tired. Take my advice, I wasn't using it anyways.
Anniekins. Brains belong on the inside of your head. You have to be careful! I'm more worried about the fact that you are losing coordination. That's not so much about Ambien, unless it's the way it's mixing with other stuff you are on, which would make more sense than it just being the Ambien.
Yeah, head wounds are nasty in that it always looks worse than it usually is. Be careful though, seriously! And think about seeing someone about the coordination. I'm serious, that sounds more concerning.
Very, I think it's the combo platter of Ambien and Valium. I'm seeing the shrinkydink in the morning, and I'm not sure I want to change the cocktail. I just need to be more careful.
The weird thing is that Ambien will put me to sleep for 3-4 hours, even with the Valium, then I'll wake up wide (which is usually when we chat, and I'm lucid) and have to force myself to go back to bed. It's a dumbar's struggle.
I wish I had Guy beside me to keep me in bed during those times I want to get up and smoke/wander outside. At least, to date, I don't think I've driven the car, but don't quote me on that.
Dambien.
That actually sounds like you've developed a tolerance. They had me on different ones, for when that happened. HATE the taste of Lunesta though.
Lunesta for me worked, but like all the other anxiety/sedatives, it's not covered by Medicaid, so I have to pay out of pocket, and Lunesta's very expensive, never mind it does leave a terrible, metallic aftertaste.
Tolerance to Ambien? Probably. Still, combined with Valium, which works great, is a dangerous combination.
3am and I'm awake again, and I have to be @ the shrink's at 9:30 for my monthly med adjustment. Wish me luck.
Keeping the meds the same as they have been the last several months. 20 mg of Valium at bedtime w/10mg of Ambien. That should be enough to knock out a horse...it doesn't help that I keep waking up with chills and sweats fro the flu fevers, which may have contributed to the unsteadiness.
Ahhh, thanks for reminding me why I was doing the "zolpidem", and not the Lunesta. That's right, it's a freakin' fortune. I forgot. You'd think I'd remember, but no. Something ridiculous like 129$ for 30 pills. SCREWWWW YOU, big pharma. I hope those pricks never sleep, and no drug or substance can knock them out.
At least when I tried Lunesta, there was no generic of it. That may have changed over the years, but I think my shrink would've told me by now. In IL, anyway, it was more like $200-300/month. Hard enough to pay $100/month for zolpidem & diazepam. I've been a good girl the last few nights & haven't wandered away.
There's still no generic, I tried a few months ago. Total bs.
I've managed to stay upright all week (except when I'm sleeping, which is a lot, because I don't feel well at all). This flu is literally worse than I've felt in a looooooong time. It seemed too early in the season for a shot, but Luke's improving. I think I have to clean the bathroom for my mom's triumphant return.
Blarg. Sick.
Great "Superman " video . I loved , loved , loved it ! Andrea you always post good music in your blogs , but this one was great and
and it really fit in with what you were writing about.
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