Useless Things About Me

1) I don't floss. I should, but I don't.

2) I have to use the middle stall of the bathroom in the hospital where I work or I flip the hell out.

3) I sucked my thumb until I was 10. I still sleep with my Curious George, Winnie-the-Pooh, and a stuffed leopard, along with my baby blanket, at 39. I am not ashamed!

4) I obsessively bit my fingernails until 4 months ago when I suddenly stopped and got over the habit.

5) I believe it's possible to be in love with more than one person at a time.

6) At present, I have Tweeted 6,311 times.

7) I'm perpetually freezing because I have so little fat on my body.

8) Relative to #7, I'm 5'8" and I weigh 115 lbs. and still manage to have DD boobs. Everyone thinks they're fake, which they're not, and I feel like I'm in a circus act. I'm very self-conscious about it.

9) My car, a 2004 Chrysler Pacifica, has endured multiple drunk driving incidents and has the scars to prove it. Yet I still drive it.

10) I taught myself to play the drums, after my father and brother were both drummers. Nobody showed me how to play. You either have it or you don't. I can't read music. I play by ear, which is harder than it seems.

11) I married the first man I slept with. I have told other young women that this is ill-advised.

12) At present, I have no desire to quit smoking. So quit nagging me about it.

13) While I believe it's every woman's right to choose what to do with an unplanned pregnancy, I personally would never have an abortion. I'm Pro-Andrea. I had a miscarriage when I was 26, and addicted to narcotics. It was nature's way of telling me something was wrong.

14) I'm politically apathetic. I'm a declared Democrat and extremely liberal thinker, and believe anarchy should be the rule of society.

15) My father died from alcoholism at age 42 in 1984, when I was 11. The only time I've been to where my father is buried was to bury my grandparents. He didn't have a headstone until a couple of years ago, and I've never seen it. Most times, I feel ok with that because I know his soul's not there. Just his bones. What's the point?

16) Related to #15: I was on the brink of acute liver failure when I stopped drinking on February 21, 2008.

17) My husband and I went out to breakfast together after we appeared in court for our divorce in March of 2009, after a 2-year separation. I still love him very much and always will.

18) I obsessively love The Lawrence Welk Show.

19) Despite my intense love for coffee, if I drink it in the morning, it makes me sick to my stomach. So I drink green tea instead.

20) Led Zeppelin's "The Song Remains the Same" has been played more times on my iTunes than any other song.

21) I have very little memory of my son's preschool years, from about age 4-7. I was in an alcoholic fog. I see pictures but I don't remember much about it.

22) I still have days when I want to get high to the stilts and drink myself blind. I choose not to, one day at a time.

23) It has always puzzled me how drummers can play with a lit cigarette in their mouths. Doesn't the smoke burn their eyes?

24) I haven't made amends yet to everyone I harmed while drinking, and that weighs heavily on my heart.

25) I wear 3 sterling silver rings on my wedding ring finger that I got from a married man.

26) I still count my sobriety in months, not years. It took me 8 hours to be sober enough in the hospital ER to consent to inpatient rehab, after I declared that I was a threat to myself and others. My blood alcohol level was something like 3.4 when I went to the ER.

27) My son makes me supremely happy, most of the time. I consider him my greatest accomplishment. He's one of the only things I haven't totally fucked up in my life. He's a bonafide genius, and I don't just say that because I'm his mom.

28) I've always hated Disney ANYTHING.

29) My older brother took the clothes off my Barbie dolls and pretended they lived in an nudist colony. He also put the stickers on my Star Wars X-wing fighter that I got for Christmas in 1977, which still ticks me off to no end.

30) I have no appetite. Ever. I haven't been hungry for food in upwards of a year.I force-feed.

31) I let my son say the word "fuck" in proper context at home and don't dispute him. He knows not to say it outside of in front of me, and I don't mind it at all.

32) Related to #31, I am happy now that my 11-year old has his own espresso maker. He needs a jolt of caffeine in the morning to wake the hell up. Otherwise, he's a zombie.

33) It's true that time flies when you're having fun. July 7, 2011 was one of the greatest nights of my life spent with 2 men I each love dearly, neither of whom I fucked around with.

34) I have no idea how the scars on my forearm healed to the point it looks like I never used to slice my arms. I chalk it up to a miracle.

35) I suffer from utter driving anxiety, though I have a GPS. I frequently get lost, and have a phobia about making left hand turns. I avoid them as best I can. I hate driving somewhere new when I don't know exactly where I'm going.

36) Related to #34, it's by the grace of God that I'm still alive today, period. Still, I never have envisioned myself living to be an old lady. I have always felt that I will die young. It's one reason why I have my memorial service planned out already. I don't want a wake, I don't want a casket. I want to be cremated and scattered over somewhere special, though I don't know where that is yet. Maybe inside a Louis Vuitton store.