Adam’s Armpits, and The Sausage is STILL Speaking.

Adam’s Armpits, and The Sausage is STILL Speaking.
Current mood: cooky/wacky
Category: Life

An aptly appropriate blog title, considering my son's story as he drifted into sleep to the drone of the uber-irritating Alton Brown on Food Network's "Good Eats" tonight.

Luke had a play date with Adam this afternoon, where he spent the after-school time at Wes and Cathy's house.

Luke: "Adam's armpits smell like berries."
Me: "WHY do you KNOW this?"
Luke: "His arm was up 'like this' and I could smell it."
Me: "Again. Why????"
Luke: "Well, it'd have been really hard for me to get out of the van any other way."
Me: "Whew. Okay. So still. WHY do we care what Adam's armpits smell like?"
Luke (giggling): "I don't know."

To date, I don't recall ever giving a damn waht my grammar school best friend's armpits smelled like. No offense. Though I'm sure the scent grew categorically more disgusting as puberty set in.

Still, good to know. The boys conversed more about "sausage" and played with the Spidey-Sapien robot I sent with Luke. Furthermore, Luke pranced around the St. Paul hallway after school telling random passersby that "The Sausage Has Spoken."

Confounded students emerged from the hallway, pondering this epiphany, as did the school principal, Mr. Heinze, who had been MY TEACHER when I was a student at St. Paul. I was eventually taken aside in the hallway, scolded for my son's outburst and reminded, "Only YOUR kid, Miklasz."

Duh!

I'm surprised the school doesn't have a memorial plaque in the girls' bathroom stall where I, as an 8th grader, flushed the much-hated (now departed, as in DEAD) 6th grade teacher's stop watch batteries down the toilet one afternoon, only to have them plug the plumbing and later send a wave of urine, Chicago water and feces onto the body/face of the then-school cook, discovered by the school janitor and ultimately traced back to yours truly just days before graduation. True story.

So yeah, only Miklasz's kid.

Leading by example!

For Christmas, I got both my son and my 15-year old nephew web cams, so they can chat online, yickety-yack and share ideas for their screenplay/movie project. Jake finally got his up and running tonight, though he needs an additional microphone, and the boys began their dialogue on what I ASSUMED was this winter's movie production.

Instead, I read this (being the responsible parent I am, I'm archiving Luke and Jake's webcasts for safety's sake, but this was too bleepin' snazzy not to cut and paste...note: nothing has been altered content-wise, aside from utterly useless and unfunny in-between shiz, duly noted where appropriate. Keep in mind...Jake is 15 and Luke is perilously close to 8. I've bolded my son's extra-saucy, snippy remarks):

Jake says:
I see you!
Lucas says:
That's bunny in blaga- i think.
Jake says:
what?
Jake says:
who's in Blaga?
Lucas says:
"blaga"? the code!
Jake says:
uh, sure
Lucas says:
That's hello.
Jake says:
ohkayyyyyyy
Jake says:
I can't hear you
Jake says:
hang on
Lucas says:
You spelled okay wrong
Jake says:
it's my really long ok
Lucas says:
That means funny music beat, and whatever
Jake says:
uh huh
Jake says:
do you speaka da' inglish?
Lucas says:
By now, i think you crearly understand i am making all this up as i go along.
Jake says:
clearly
Lucas says:
I thought so.
Jake says:
I'm trying to duct tape my camera to my monitor, hang on
Lucas says:
Kay.
Jake says:
grrr
Jake says:
argh
Lucas says:
Roar.
Jake says:
big yawn
Lucas says:
That was a real yawn, you freak!
Jake says:
oh hush
Jake says:
I was kidding
Lucas says:
Don't show me your duct tape! It only angers me!
Jake says:
duct tape is awesome!
Jake says:
don't be hatin' on the tape!
Lucas says:
Yeah, for you.
Jake says:
I can see you!
Jake says:
he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he
Lucas says:
And i can "Hate the tape" whenever i want, Sassypants!
Jake says:
fine
Jake says:
meany
Jake says:
did you get my audio clip of me playing the Force of nature song?
Lucas says:
Oh, jake, he, he, he, YOU ANGER MEEEEE!
Jake says:
don't be goin' al hulk now
Jake says:
oh
Lucas says:
And remember, never da tape can take me down!
Jake says:
do you want to transfer the "through the fire and flames song now?
Jake says:
you won't need my password or anything
Lucas says:
To me, it really does'nt matter! I like that song!
Jake says:
K
Jake says:
I'll start the transfer
Lucas says:
Oh, young boy, you have crossed the line of lucasness!
Jake says:
accept the prompt that just came up
Jake says:
wanna see me rip this tape off my 'stash?
Lucas says:
No "prompt" ever came up, sonny Little pancake, and yes, that would excite me... really.
Lucas says:
Hurry up!
Lucas says:
Oh.......My.........God!!!!!!!!!!
Lucas says:
Are ya bleedin?
Jake says:
hopefully not
Lucas says:
Yuck!
Jake says:
ow
Jake says:
that hurt
Jake says:
exactly what you want to see
Lucas says:
Alright, now it says it failed, but just forget it.
Jake says:
what failed?
Jake says:
huh
Jake says:
ok
Lucas says:
To recive the file.
Jake says:
ok
Jake says:
nevermind
Jake says:
so, did you get the audio clip of my Force of nature song?
Lucas says:
it's alright
Lucas says:
Yeah, It was pretty hard, and my keyboardist adam laughed at it. I sent you an email of another song i wrote.
Lucas says:
one second.
Jake says:
try to accept this
Jake says:
it's a background for the messenger
Jake says:
just a picture
Lucas says:
What?
Jake says:
did it prompt you again?
Lucas says:
No, it does'nt say anything!
Jake says:
did something just pop up?
Lucas says:
Not a thing.
Jake says:
oh
Jake says:
ok
Jake says:
never mind
Lucas says:
Oookay.
Lucas says:
So, how does it feel to be back in school?
Jake says:
tired
Jake says:
tired tired tired
Jake says:
how was your first day back?
Lucas says:
Me too, I yawned mostly the entire spanish class, and aced math. By the way, the backround pic did come up, but another on opened saying it did'nt receive the message twice.
Jake says:
huh
Jake says:
ok
Jake says:
I have finals next week
Lucas says:
Yikes holy gibolyes!
Lucas says:
Even I'm scared!
Jake says:
it like, every class is an hour and fifteen minutes
Jake says:
and that whole time is spent testing
Jake says:
even my easy class has a 200 question final
Jake says:
But on friday, I get to leave at 10:30!
Lucas says:
200? i could ace 400,00 in a few hours!
Jake says:
also wednesday
Jake says:
on thursday I get to get there at 8:45
Jake says:
but the questions aren't that easy
Jake says:
it's my history class
Lucas says:
Well, maybe around 400 in 5 hours, i'd say.
Jake says:
Hey, Luke, I have to get going
Jake says:
I still have to do soem homework
Lucas says:
Where?
Jake says:
where...what?
Lucas says:
When will you be back?
Jake says:
tomorrow around four
Jake says:
or later, like, nine-ish
Lucas says:
I was afraid you would say that.
Jake says:
I checked my email and your message isn't there
Jake says:
what did you send it to?
Jake says:
hotmail or aim?
Lucas says:
Creepy, i don't know. You have to come back tonight!
Jake says:
ok
Jake says:
nine-ish
Jake says:
ok?
Lucas says:
Well, then when?
Jake says:
Nne
Jake says:
nine
Jake says:
ok?
Jake says:
I'll stay signed in until then, but end the video call
Lucas says:
Kay, leave your program on your computer and we will meet back here at 9:00.
Jake says:
sound good
Jake says:
I'll end the video call now

__
Thus ends Part One of their first webcam chat. Apologies to the kids for outwardly exploiting them in such a fashion. Ok, not really.

Once the children re-convened, much of the next web cast was my brother and making goofy faces at one another on the cam, my brother picking his nose at me, and other Miklasz family stupidity. What is this monster I have created? I just think it's totally funny how my little one is attempting to match wits with his cousin solely based on his viewings of "Zoey 101" on Nick. So true that kids these days learn a whole different medium of communication that is solely internet-based.

But hey, my son is a helluva typist for his age!

More riveting dialogue later...