tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8191306183209604345.post3873447289803222404..comments2023-06-28T09:20:57.213-05:00Comments on Rhythms from The Offbeat Drummer: I Was Raped and I'm Not Ashamed.The Offbeat Drummerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18297496441624179505noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8191306183209604345.post-56927257964045702332015-02-09T23:37:57.752-06:002015-02-09T23:37:57.752-06:00Thank you, KC. I've rehashed the accounts of m...Thank you, KC. I've rehashed the accounts of my rape so many times, it doesn't feel like courage anymore. It just feels like a part of my life I'm re-telling. Perhaps time has soothed some of that, but I must say after writing the blog, I had PTSD nightmares of the man who assaulted me. <br /><br />"Rape" is such a misunderstood and misused term in our culture. And no matter how you look at it, the rapist (if not arrested) comes out looking on top while the recipient of the abuse looks like the one who asked for it. That's not fair. <br /><br />For every million good men out there, there are a handful of scum. I happened to land with one. But I didn't let him silence my voice after the incidents occurred and yes, you're right. My honesty and frankness, while disturbing and vulgar, I believe, can help other victims of domestic violence feel less alone and more empowered. The one who assaults the survivor doesn't get away with all of the power. No way.<br /><br />I've been critiqued that perhaps this blog entry isn't something I would want a potential employer to see. Should I be ashamed of what happened to me? Should I have not been more graphic? If an employer (not that I'm looking for a job; I'm a grad student) were to see that I was raped, would that make me less employable? That I don't understand. Does it make me less of a person? No. It makes me stronger. <br /><br />To hell with what the internet thinks of my experience...no one was there when it was happening to me except for me and the person who abused me. I really thought I loved that guy, and our first couple of years together were great. Then it turned very, very ugly. I wish that upon no one and it further proves that you don't really know a person's true self until you're faced with the beasts inside of them. <br /><br />Does the experience make me soiled, not-dateable? Not wanted? Unattractive? I've struggled with this for years, and have finally come to the conclusion that it wasn't anything I did wrong. Anyone in the future who chooses to love me needs to accept my history and accept that I'm a human being who has feelings and scars. <br /><br />My attacker? Like I said in the Phil Spector piece before this one, I believe there's good deep down in everyone. While thankfully, this man is not remotely in my life anymore, except for nightmares, maybe he can wrangle the good in him before another woman endures what I did for way too long. Thanks again for reading my blog.The Offbeat Drummerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18297496441624179505noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8191306183209604345.post-78604132736062784282015-02-09T23:19:36.087-06:002015-02-09T23:19:36.087-06:00Oh yes, you do have courage. By sharing your story...Oh yes, you do have courage. By sharing your story, you're making it possible for rape survivors to feel less alone. That's huge and I admire you for your honesty. People are terrified of the idea of rape. They have it stuck in their minds that men are supposed to be protectors, and they can't stand having that illusion stripped away. But if it isn't stripped away, we are in great danger. All the best to you.KChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17587905976811500791noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8191306183209604345.post-11893660592030783252015-02-07T13:58:53.961-06:002015-02-07T13:58:53.961-06:00Dear Congress,
Unless you HAVE my uterus (which y... Dear Congress,<br /><br />Unless you HAVE my uterus (which you might, it's in a haz mat landfill somewhere), please stop telling me what I can and cannot do with cells that may or may not grow in it. Please don't tell women who make the difficult choice to have a rape/incest baby that it's a "beautiful thing," because every time she looks at that child, she'll be reminded of the torture through which she was put which resulted in that child being there in the first place and have to relive over and over again what happened to her. Don't tell her, "Oh, just put the baby up for adoption," because that's still 9 months of having to gestate a total frightening resentment which could've been totally avoided if an abortion was an early option. <br /><br />Thanks,<br />The Survivors.The Offbeat Drummerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18297496441624179505noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8191306183209604345.post-4389915504779221192015-02-07T10:59:55.686-06:002015-02-07T10:59:55.686-06:00Maggie Jean, please do share it on Google+. My cas...Maggie Jean, please do share it on Google+. My case is NOT unusual. What is unusual is the level of victim blaming and shaming I'm receiving and still receiving on Twitter, still as of this morning. <br /><br />I went out on a limb and opened up wounds that gave me nightmares last night to tell my story again, which I thought I'd put way in my past, and I'm STILL being called a "coward." <br /><br />Absolutely nobody, not a single soul, could possibly understand what a rape victim goes through physically or psychologically long-term unless it happened to them. So yes, I'm getting defensive and angry. I was posting this blog and trying to get people to understand. But the ignorant are difficult to sway.The Offbeat Drummerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18297496441624179505noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8191306183209604345.post-9800701297186705102015-02-07T09:16:26.647-06:002015-02-07T09:16:26.647-06:00I'd like to say your case is unusual, but I re...I'd like to say your case is unusual, but I really don't think it is considering my own experiences and the stories I hear from loved ones. <br /><br />I would so love to share this on Google+. This is an articulate and heartfelt post.<br /><br />Maggiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00903678715925613725noreply@blogger.com